This morning, December 15th, 2010 -- a date which will live in infamy -- One of my items was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Royal Mail while in transit
The package was at peace with that nation and, at the solicitation of Royal Mail, was still in conversation with its government and its emperor looking toward the maintenance of peace on deliveries.
Indeed, one hour after Royal Mail air squadrons had commenced bombing my package, the Royal Mail ambassador to my package and his colleague delivered to our Secretary of State a formal reply to a recent package. And while this reply stated that it seemed useless to continue the existing diplomatic negotiations, it contained no threat or hint of war or of armed attack.
It will be recorded that the distance of London from Royal Mail makes it obvious that the attack was deliberately planned many days or even weeks ago. During the intervening time, the Royal Mail government has deliberately sought to deceive my package by false statements and expressions of hope for continued peace.
The attack yesterday on my package has caused severe damage to my item. I regret to tell you that very many packages have been lost. In addition, packages have been reported torpedoed on the high seas between Scotland and London.
Royal Mail has, therefore, undertaken a surprise offensive extending throughout the delivery area. The facts of today and yesterday speak for themselves. The recipient of the packages have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our item.
As commander in chief of the package, I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense. But always will our whole nation remember the character of the onslaught against our package.
No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the recipient of the packages in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory.
I believe that I interpret the will of the Congress and of the people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost, but will make it very certain that this form of treachery shall never again endanger our packages.
Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory, and our interests are in grave danger.
With confidence in our armed forces, with the unbounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph -- so help us God.
I ask that the Congress declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by Royal Mail on Wednesday, December 15th, 2010, a state of war has existed between my package and Royal Mail.
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If you want your stuff to arrive in one peice - Dont use Royal Mail, f**king wankers couldnt handle a lump of wood without it shattering to a million peices.
and tests have proved again n again that the only way to make sure your letters or items even reach there destination let alone being in the same condition you sent it in is to make the deliveries yourself