Good news!
The guy I bought the EVGA X58 SLI from has said he'll help me RMA it. I'm sure it'll take a while, but then at least I'll have a functional board.
Also, I "assembled" the AMD X4 965BE, and I'm setting up BOINC on it now:
Now I just need to find chipset drivers so I don't have to tether through my phone
