Originally Posted by cadaveca
Really, my issue is this: I never had family growing up. I didn't really know what that was, even, until I had made my own with my wife. The relationship I have with my kids...is not something I've ever shared with my own parents. Phusius has exactly the one thing I never did, the one thing I envy most people of, the most basic thing that few go without. I just happen to be one of those few.
That said, you want to talk to me about behavior, or anything else...I'm sorry ,but I never had a father or mother to tell me how to behave, to teach me the basics in life, etc, etc, etc ad naseum. Such complaints fall on deaf ears. You can expect me to behave like everyone else.. but I am not everyone else.
Like really..how am I supposed to know how to behave, when no one has shown me?
Really, the fact Im' even alive at this point is pretty amazing. My parents literally left me for dead, and didn't care. Anyone that ignores what they have in family, I'm going to come down on, and hard.
What you wrote here is exactly the reason I didn't come down on this specific aspect of you too hard, and as we both saw, had to do a bit of give and take.
I was going to go into the specifics of the psychology behind all of that, but it's too long a write-up. The short version is that you are correct. By not having the parents present at a critical developmental period, you will not have those components. The best you can do is probably what you're doing now; be observant and open, discard what your cognitions deem to be incorrect, keep what is correct (to be honest, that wasn't the best way of wording that, but I'm sure you get the idea).