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Old Nov 25, 2011, 10:10 AM   #1
RuskiSnajper
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Disable internal LAPTOP speaker (faked malfunction))

Hello

The other guy in the campus likes to play same songs all over and over again for 2 weeks now, he's listening to some weird cell-phone-recorded-concert-video that has very low quality and the sound is melting my ears, also the external speaker is weak and begins to wobble or how to say it begins to distort under load and that another reason there, the laptop is ASUS K73S with i5 and Nvidia 540 gm 1GB


So ... with my experties i want to fake a malfunction and to have an excuse that he ruined the speaker with "too much volume"

The point is, his laptop is sitting idle when he's not in the room so it's half a day of time ...



Just wanted to see some ideas ... just think up something and well ... i'll search for solutions myself too but i don't know where to start

Last edited by RuskiSnajper; Nov 25, 2011 at 11:01 AM.
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Old Nov 25, 2011, 10:13 AM   #2
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Cut the cables. Or desolder the wires from the speakers.
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Old Nov 25, 2011, 11:00 AM   #3
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I can't open up the laptop , no it's not external speaker sorry , internal.

software solution ... probably ?
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Old Nov 25, 2011, 11:07 AM   #4
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disable the use of hardware from device manager that's all
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Old Nov 25, 2011, 11:18 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by laszlo View Post
disable the use of hardware from device manager that's all
I'll go one further and say uninstall the bloody driver!

This character sounds like a real ignorant douchebag.
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Old Nov 25, 2011, 11:20 AM   #6
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Yeah ... but i need something to be a reason

i need some fake error message or some driver crash bla bla (and some side effects) ... just some elaborate cluster of problems so it'll seem unfixable

I was thinking to take collateral and "damage" something else too to make it seem a big problem but then i would (only if he asks ) offer assistance (reluctantly) to try to fix his issue with some "advices" ... but then i would make it seem like it's a big problem , esentially i'll "fix" everything else except internal speaker and then he'll be using his headphones nice and quiet

oh come on i have 5.1 sorround set and he think's i'll be using headphones while he drags this broken awful mono quality laptop speakers, i bet those headphones have better quality than the speaker imo. (RCA jack, not usb, so uses internal audio chip)

EDIT:
the good news is , this asus laptop is weird , i don't know what he was doing but he's drivers for motherboard functionality (such as speaker volume hotkey combination) were uninstalled for some werid reason.

So it's not like it'll be the first problem with the laptop ... also the guy doesn't know he has to uninstall drivers before reinstall so there you have an outlook of his experience, but im not trying to be evil , i just really think same things are repetitive they become really annoying, and in the same time i don't want to ask him since he's so enthusiastic about it ... i'll be over sooner or later but i don't have time 2 years until he grows up ; i'll feel like breaking his fun which is what i don't really want to do cause he isn't a bad person at all. So deep down he'll be upset on the laptop, not me ...

EDIT2: he knows the basics as he plays games too , he can reinstall the driver at some point and i know he won't lightly switch to headphones-only , he'll be trying to fix speaker definitely.

Last edited by RuskiSnajper; Nov 25, 2011 at 11:34 AM.
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Old Nov 25, 2011, 11:43 AM   #7
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Sod it Ruski, just take the rubber mallet to it and be done with it. j/k
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Old Nov 25, 2011, 12:12 PM   #8
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stab the speakers with a kebab skewer or something, just make sure its done on a day when you arent there/have an alibi.
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Old Nov 25, 2011, 12:14 PM   #9
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Quote:
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stab the speakers with a kebab skewer or something, just make sure its done on a day when you arent there/have an alibi.
This is the most evil suggestion by far. I like it.
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Old Nov 25, 2011, 12:18 PM   #10
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Pour supergue into the speaker, make sure its pooling up... that'll "weld" the cone in place and make it immovable.
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Old Nov 25, 2011, 12:33 PM   #11
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Why just the speakers? If you hate the guy so much go all the way and take a magnet to his HDD. Or better yet take it to the bath with you and pretend that its a submarine
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Old Nov 25, 2011, 12:36 PM   #12
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maybe get one of those anti theft kensington lock things for laptops, and lock it somewhere amusing.
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Old Nov 25, 2011, 12:38 PM   #13
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Quote:
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maybe get one of those anti theft kensington lock things for laptops, and lock it somewhere amusing.
Lock it to a mug and imagine yourself an alchemist and create some potion made from different kinds of foods and beverages, he ain't touching that.
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Old Nov 25, 2011, 12:38 PM   #14
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Or just tell how you feel and maybe he will do something else, or stab the guy instead of the speakers haha
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Old Nov 25, 2011, 01:09 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LDNL View Post
If you hate the guy so much go all the way and take a magnet to his HDD. Or better yet take it to the bath with you and pretend that its a submarine
^Sigged - I totally love it,

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mussels View Post
maybe get one of those anti theft kensington lock things for laptops, and lock it somewhere amusing.
Or better...get a kensington lock and 'tamper' with it so that locks unlocking mechanism wont unlock then he's royally fucked as he needs to contact Kensington support for an 'unlock' key but he cant cuz he needs to quote the serial number thats printed on the normal keys...which he hasnt got as i guess youre going to either eat the key or flush it down the pooper.

so the only real choice he has is to use a heavy duty bolt cutter to cut the cable. but even if he does that he will still have the lock part stuck in his laptop and he wont be able to get it out unless he totally rips it out like the motherfucking hulk and risk breaking his laptop. Even if the laptop survives the rip. I doubt his laptop would ever hold a decent resale value. and the structural integrity of the chasis would probably seriously compromised due to the amount of force placed on it when he rips the lock out.

Id just say it would be an easier job to kill the guy and make it look like an accident. download some naked pics of one of the other room mates mother onto the laptop so it looks like he was caught red handed beating off to the dudes mom and he walks in and they break into a scuffle which the room mate accidently kills the dude thats beating off over his mother.

and by the time the cops do find out it was you. you'll already be out of the country
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Old Nov 25, 2011, 01:13 PM   #16
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Quote:
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Or just tell how you feel and maybe he will do something else, or stab the guy instead of the speakers haha
+1 grow some balls and tell him to have some f**king respect or else
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Old Nov 25, 2011, 01:35 PM   #17
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Disable the audio services permanently, disable any audio related entries in the device manager, and on top of that, start to block certain crucial tasks, which are very important for that person, by using Comodo Internet Security. (Firefox, Media Player... anything you can think of)
You can even make it run in the background after booting, blocking things without ever noticing the user. With such big problems, he most probably wont wonder, why the sound isnt working too.
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Old Nov 25, 2011, 01:45 PM   #18
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Quote:
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+1 grow some balls and tell him to have some f**king respect or else
+1. kinda funny we have mods,and staff here telling someone its ok to destroy someone elses property. So by that it means since mussels sucks as a moderator and qubit is one sided with his news and i dont care for either of them i should go to there homes and disable there computers so i dont have to read what they have to say? sounds like flawed logic to me
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Old Nov 25, 2011, 01:53 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AthlonX2 View Post
+1. kinda funny we have mods,and staff here telling someone its ok to destroy someone elses property. So by that it means since mussels sucks as a moderator and qubit is one sided with his news and i dont care for either of them i should go to there homes and disable there computers so i dont have to read what they have to say? sounds like flawed logic to me
its certainly not ok, and we dont condone such actions.


then again, this IS the internet.
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Old Nov 25, 2011, 01:54 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mussels View Post
stab the speakers with a kebab skewer or something, just make sure its done on a day when you arent there/have an alibi.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mussels View Post
maybe get one of those anti theft kensington lock things for laptops, and lock it somewhere amusing.
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Old Nov 25, 2011, 02:14 PM   #21
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Or put the whole thing in the microwave... or throw it off a cliff...

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Old Nov 25, 2011, 02:19 PM   #22
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We're here to help people fix stuff, not wreck stuff. Let's move on.
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