the SEVA region

[imperialreign]

Anyone that's ever been curious about the Hamtpon Roads region of Virginia - or even if you've visited here or lived here, or live around here; enjoy this little explanation of our region:

Hampton Roads, aka The Seven Cities, aka Tidewater Virginia

*For the purposes of this document, we will refer to the area as "Norfolk"
pronounced exactly that way by Northerners who settle here.

*Southerners who settle here pronounce it "Nawfalk" and everyone else
calls it Norfick".

*The word " Norfolk " actually originated in Southern England , gradually
over time as a combination of the words "North" and "Folk", their way of
referring to their brethren to the north.

*Norfolk is composed entirely of Roads under Construction. The year-round
seasonal weather allows for year-round construction. The only way to get
into downtown is to move there. Don't worry about getting out. Those
arrangements will be made by your next of kin.

*All directions start with "Get on I-64..." and somewhere include the
phrase "Turn at the 7-Eleven." Most people navigate the area using
Interstate 64 because of oddball location naming. The immediate problem
here is that, in order to access western portions of the area, you have
to travel I-64 East.

*I-64, the largest interstate in the state, has two exits that serve
Virginia Beach, the largest city in Virginia. The land mass of the actual beach
area is approximately 1% of the city's total land area.

*The city of Portsmouth is not at the port's mouth - that would be
Norfolk.

*The city of Chesapeake is named for the Chesapeake Bay, 15 miles away.

*Newport News is not a newspaper. The city is, in fact, served by The
Daily Press newspaper, based in Hampton.

*South Norfolk is in Chesapeake and "Suffolk", an old English combination
of 'South" and "Folk" is not south of Norfolk, rather west.

*Hampton Boulevard is in Norfolk and does not go to Hampton.

*Northampton Boulevard is not in the north of Hampton. It is 22 miles
southeast of Hampton, in Virginia Beach.

*Chesapeake Boulevard runs parallel to Hampton Boulevard and does not go
to Chesapeake.

*Virginia Beach Boulevard starts in Norfolk and only becomes a boulevard
when you reach Virginia Beach.

*Portsmouth Boulevard is in Chesapeake.

*There is no Norfolk Boulevard but there is a Norfolk Avenue in Virginia
Beach. It does not go to Norfolk.

*Atlantic Avenue parallels the Atlantic Ocean. Strangely, so does Pacific
Avenue, located one block west of Atlantic Avenue.

*Chesapeake Beach, nicknamed "Chic's Beach", is in Virginia Beach.

*Chicks go there, but it's named after a guy, Chic Leddington.

*Meanwhile, Ocean View Avenue has no view of the ocean unless you use a
high-powered telescope and a crane.

*Bayview is too far from the Bay to see it and Riverview has no view of
any rivers. Shore Drive has no shore but runs along beside miles and
miles of military bases. Military Highway, an apt name for the main
thoroughfare of a primarily military area, will not actually take you to
any military bases. Ironically, Independence Boulevard ends at one.

*The Northwest River is actually in the Southeastern part of the area.

*Deep Creek contains no deep creeks.

*Great Bridge is an affluent area accessed only by crossing tiny drawbridges.

*London Bridge Road has no connection to London and has no bridges. It
is, however, falling apart.

*The area of Damneck contains no dams. Oceana Boulevard does not come
near the ocean.

*Norfolk Naval Shipyard is in Portsmouth.

*One of the largest Coast Guard bases on the east coast is in Portsmouth,
21 miles from the coast.

*Hilltop, a mildly affluent shopping area in Virginia Beach, is not on a hill or
near a hill. (Actually when it was all fields prior to 1963, you would notice a
slight higher elevation in this area!)

*There are no cars at the Chrysler Museum.

*Scope is not a mouthwash- it's a convention center in Norfolk.

*Sometime, just for fun, stop and ask a local for directions to "downtown
Virginia Beach." Chances are, you will be sent to Norfolk. Virginia
Beach has no downtown. They claim to but it is in fact a shopping
district.

*No one carpools here, allowing the HOV-reversible lanes to be used by
skateboarders during rush hours. All the tollbooths were taken down a
few years ago, creating one less place for traffic accidents to occur.

*Everyone in the country lived here once or knew someone who did. You
will be hard pressed to find a native of the area. Everyone here is from
somewhere else, due mostly to the fact that Norfolk contains the largest
naval base in the world. When you curse the drivers here for not being
able to drive, you are cursing the drivers of the whole country. Think
about it.