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Domestic issue.

Discussion in 'General Nonsense' started by russianboy, Jul 6, 2008.

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  1. russianboy New Member

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    I do understand that I am posting this in a forum, of people who I don't really know, but since you guys have families, parents, etc. I wonder if you guys can help me.

    I'm going to high school next fall (yeah, i know I'm young), and I had to fill out an emergency card. Anyway I fill it to the best of my knowledge, and give it to my parents.

    My parents totally freak on me, they yell at me, about how my writing is terrible, they can't read it, it is a psycho's writing and such. I do have bad handwriting, but I can read it, and so can others. Besides, it's just a bunch of numbers, not an essay or anything, not much to mistake there. But they yell at me, on my writing, how I'm doing it wrong, it is terrible etc. and I tell them "I can't help it". I really can't, my brother also has bad writing. Then there are a few spots which I don't know, and instead of helping me or anything they yell "FIND OUT! FIND OUT!" and say "GET OUT OF HERE!". I ask them "what did I do wrong?" They never answered, all they do is yell about how I can't do anything right. I don't know where this came from, I can be clumsy and make a mistake occasionally, but I can do plenty right. I'm a great student, I help out whenever I can, i tolerate many inconveniences, and they have always told me that I am useful and the like, I generally have a good relationship with my parents.

    and at the peak of it all, they scream at me, telling me that I don't deserve anything, that I can go to hell (saying hell is somewhat tolerated, but saying it at someone is extremly bad in my family), they threaten with selling my most prized possessions, they make me feel like total shit. I tried talking to them normally, and holding back the tears (I can only go so far without breaking down, especially in such a strange situation as this). I honestly don't know what to do. I feel terrible, and I don't know what to do. My mom even mentioned how just a piece of paper turned into all this. I agree with her, I don't know what happened. i'm posting it here because quite frankly...you guys have experiance, and at the moment are the only ones to talk to. This has all struck me by surprise, and I didn't mean to anybody to get upset. To be honest, I never mean to hurt or upset anyone, sometimes I say something and people take it the wrong way or something, but I hate fighting. I really feel crappy. If anyone can tell me what I did wrong or what I can do, I'd appreciate it.
  2. blkhogan

    blkhogan New Member

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    If I told u.. I'd have to kill u
    First off, take a few and let things calm down a bit. You really don't know what triggered the problem in the first place. Parents are under a lot of stress most of the time due to other influences. It may have been your paper that set them off, but the situation could have been coming to a head from something else. Things are said in the heat of the moment that aren't always right. People tend to say stupid things when all worked up, and yes they hurt, but take it with a grain of salt.
    If you know you have bad penmanship, you need to work on it. Having good legible penmanship is important. we tend to get lazy with computers and typing these days.
    russianboy says thanks.
  3. hat

    hat Maximum Overclocker

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    Welcome to the world of teenagers, where you're always wrong.
    Well... I don't know about the laws in cockland, but in the USA you have to put up with it untl you turn 18, then you can *legally* get out. At 16 you cal *legally* get a job, at least in Ohio. I would say get a job and save your money so you can (smoothly) get out when the time comes. A lot of people end up moving back in with thier parents, but with a safety net you won't have to.

    It's not like you can stop your parents from being dicks, they won't change.
    russianboy says thanks.
    Crunching for Team TPU
  4. imperialreign

    imperialreign New Member

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    follow blkhogan's advice and just try and let everything simmer down a bit - being able to come from similar situations, many times my parents would blow their stress off on me, leaving me feeling like I just got caught up in some kind of storm.

    It's still wrong on their part to act that way, but at your age there's not much you can really do to correct it or prove your point; and even trying to discuss things with them can sometimes back fire if they're under a lot of stress.

    Just let things marinate a bit - but for yourself, keep those around you can talk with and that you trust so that you don't start feeling like your losing control. Being able to just talk things out with another can really help make things seem not as bad as they actually are.

    Once things seem to have cooled down with your parents, take the time to try and talk with them civilly about how you feel - don't come across as becoming angry or frustrated, as they'll react to that as well.
  5. Kreij

    Kreij Senior Monkey Moderator Staff Member

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    Practice on writing better. Show your parents that you can. Make them proud of you for putting in your best effort.

    Even if it is not perfect, they will see the difference.

    Just my 2 cents as a parent.
  6. hat

    hat Maximum Overclocker

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    Kreij, the last thing I would do is practice my writing if my parents went off on me about it.
    Crunching for Team TPU
  7. B1gg3stN00b

    B1gg3stN00b New Member

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    I've been in numerous situations where they've snapped on me for absolutely nothing.

    However, as I'm about to head off to college in the next town over, get on good terms with them, because rent and dorms are fucking expensive, even if you're making 9$ an hour full time on two jobs in the summers.

    And gas is a bitch too.

    Best thing to do is, find a place in your home where you are safe, and stay there until you get your drivers license/turn 18 :p

    That's how I got into computers/music/cars and whatnot.

    I pass the time of my days avoiding arguments with my very depressed and instable parents by reading auto-repair manuals, wikipedia, music theory books, and working on getting my A+ certification.

    Killing several birds with one rock!

    Also, what hat said.

    I would in fact do it worse just to be a dick to them, if they were a dick to me. No matter what they did in return it'd be worth it. Don't take their shit, stand up for yourself, it's the best way you'll get along with them. It'll eventually earn a little respect. Just don't be a prick or go wild about it like they do on Jerry.



    Also, word of advice on going to high school - Don't piss a lot of people off, lay low, get a few other low profile friends who get good grades and can get out of the house and you'll have smooth sailing. Worked great for me!
  8. hat

    hat Maximum Overclocker

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    It would be a good idea to get a job and save yo monnies so you can soften the mighty blows if car payments, insurence, gas, and colledge if you want to.
    Crunching for Team TPU
  9. B1gg3stN00b

    B1gg3stN00b New Member

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    Yeah, having a job has saved me from dealing with my parents for 5 hours a night after school, which may not seem like much, but during my high school days it was bringing me home at 9:30PM every night, only to go to bed at 10 after a quick bite and some homework.
  10. imperialreign

    imperialreign New Member

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    some further advice from someone who was a "bad-ass" back in the day . . .


    if you do get the wild hair to make a stand to your parents, you need to make damn sure for yourself you know when to back down, cause they won't. Push them hard enough and they could quite well show you the door at 18, even if you're not prepared enough to handle the real-world.

    I can say for myself that I was constantly in trouble throughout middle and high school; in HS alone, my disciplinary record was so thick half-way through my sophmore year that they had to give me a second folder. Outside of school, there was a lot of bad blood between me and my parents (and there still is to this day); but I'm glad as well that I somehow managed to keep everything on good terms, as only a year after graduating, I was diagnosed with cancer - if I was on my own at 19, I never would've been able to afford the cost of treatments, nor the other bills I had at the same time.

    it can sometimes be alright to make a stand and draw the line, but don't risk destroying one of the only real foundations you have.
  11. B1gg3stN00b

    B1gg3stN00b New Member

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    Yeah, what he said ^

    However, I'm hoping mine will show me the door at 18, because they expect me to pay rent and drive 20 miles to school everyday, as well as being a full time college student, I'd have to keep my job, which I don't wanna do, but if I move up there, my college stipend from the government could cover year-round living costs and allow me to focus on my studies.

    Also, they won't let me purchase anything I want besides gifts for them :p They're currently in control of my savings until 18, which blows, but I will take control of my own finances soon enough.

    Hence I can't get that Porsche, even though I have double the money required for it.






    Also, find friends with cool parents you can move in if you ever get kicked out, in between finding a new place etc.

    Spending the night in a park in mid winter is no fun!
  12. lemonadesoda

    lemonadesoda

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    Listen, you parents busted a gut to establish themselves in a foreign environment/country, and get a warm roof over your head and hot food on the table, AND take you on some great holidays.

    1./ It's not just your handwriting that is at issue. It's the idea that you did something sloppy without thinking it through... AND on a very important document.

    2./ Do you realise this "emergence contact card" is going to be the first impression the new school is going to get of you? Your parents are embarassed that you didnt try to make sure that was going to be a good first impression.

    3./ Do you realise that if something happened to you at school, to or from, then that card is the only way the school is going to get hold of your parents. And if they cant read it... well imagine that.

    4./ You're now a teenager. You parents want you to do one more thing: take some initiative BEFORE you come to them asking for help. Yes you asked for help. But you arent 8 anymore. You need to go to them AFTER you make a little effort yourself first.

    5./ THIS is not the full story. There is obviously something else that happened over the last few days. It might have involved you, but it might not.

    6./ Often a short temper is a sign of extreme stress or exhaustion. Something one (temporarily) cracking at home. See if you can help.

    7./ Parents go BONKERS when they see their kids doing something that reminds them of mistakes THEY made themselves in their lives.

    8./ Do something to help create peace and calm at home. You guys all need it.

    9./ Did you ever think your parents are very worried about how things will go for you at your new school... they want the best for you. But you are going to be away more. And they see you growing up and becoming ever more independent. But then sometimes they see that you are still a kid with a lot to learn... nothing wrong with that... but they "worry for the best". It's a common thing.

    russian, take it easy. Good luck.
  13. WhiteLotus

    WhiteLotus

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    I agree; practice, practice, practice.
  14. B1gg3stN00b

    B1gg3stN00b New Member

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    I'm having trouble breaking the news to mine that I want to live on campus, not a 20 mile drive away, even if it will cost 100$ more a month.

    They want to take away my full ride scholarship (It comes from being a dependent, they pay nothing into it, my dad is a disabled vet) for wanting some measure of independence.

    They threatened my brother to stay at home or they would take away the car he payed for with his cash that was in their name and he would have to pay the 9,000$ tuition cost, but not only that, when he was blowing 150 in gas and another 150 in rent (when a nice apartment can be had for 2-300 on campus, they wouldn't even let him go to friend's houses), they would constantly invade his privacy, going through his mail, room, online email accounts, bank statements, etc. for no reason other than that "they love him".

    Well, I'm not really one for being loved, and I payed $6000 for my car, which is in my dad's name, but I worked for 2 years in an industrial setting, and I don't want that taken away for wanting some sort of independence, which is why I wanted a car in the first place.

    I'm still not allowed to go hang out with any friends or whatnot, and I'll be 18 in September. However, I want to leave. I don't want to be 22 and crack under depression like my brother did, leading him to drugs and dropping out of school. He was stuck in his room for months on end even though he had a means to go out. He would lose the one means of occasional escape if he did.

    I want something better than that, and honestly, I don't know how to tell my parents that. Every time I try to talk to them they just turn on the TV and ignore me. It pisses me off to no end as well when they blame me for a lack of any communication.

    Since it's relative...

    How do I tell them I'm leaving home?

    I will no matter what I have to do, but I want it to be easy for everybody. They have severe problems letting go, even though they did not see fit to be around in our lives while our grandparents were alive.
  15. hat

    hat Maximum Overclocker

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    It sucks having YOUR shit in your parent's name man. I remember I had $200 in the bank at one time as a kid, mostly ammased through birthday money. They took it from me, without my knowing, and when I wanted money out of the non-existant bank account they would say "you don't need that" or "that's not a good way to spend your money". Then I found out about it somehow one day and I would "bitch" about it whenever I knew we were getting a large amount of money such as income tax. I got it back just this year thanks to income tax (half from this) and government stimulus (other half from this).
    Crunching for Team TPU
  16. B1gg3stN00b

    B1gg3stN00b New Member

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    Yeah, I'm hoping I can work something out with my family and keep my 6000$ car, 100,000$ scholarship, etc., but they don't seem willing.

    However, I REALLY don't wanna be going into my mid-20s and still not be allowed out of the house like my brother.

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