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International Politics And Cow Farming

Discussion in 'General Nonsense' started by Tatty_One, Nov 10, 2008.

  1. Tatty_One

    Tatty_One Senior Moderator Staff Member

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    never mix politics/ethics with cow farming.............. :D

    DEMOCRAT


    You have two cows.
    Your neighbor has none.
    You feel guilty for being successful, You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.


    REPUBLICAN


    You have two cows.
    Your neighbor has none.
    So? ......who gives a fu*k!


    SOCIALIST


    You have two cows.
    The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
    You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.


    COMMUNIST


    You have two cows.
    The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
    You wait in line for hours to get it.
    It is expensive and sour.


    CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE


    You have two cows.
    You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.


    BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE


    You have two cows.
    Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.


    AMERICAN CORPORATION


    You have two cows.
    You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
    You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
    Your stock goes up.


    FRENCH CORPORATION


    You have two cows.
    You go on strike because you want three cows.
    You go to lunch and drink wine.
    Life is good.


    JAPANESE CORPORATION


    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
    They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
    Most are at the top of their class at cow school.


    GERMAN CORPORATION


    You have two cows.
    You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
    Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.


    ITALIAN CORPORATION


    You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
    You break for lunch.
    Life is good.


    RUSSIAN CORPORATION


    You have two cows.
    You have some vodka.
    You count them and learn you have five cows.
    You have some more vodka.
    You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
    The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

    BRITISH CORPORATION

    You HAD 2 cows,
    where the fu*k have they gone?
    You never heard of Foot & Mouth?


    TALIBAN CORPORATION


    You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
    You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
    You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.


    IRAQI CORPORATION


    You have two cows.
    They go into hiding.
    They send radio tapes of their mooing.


    POLISH CORPORATION


    You have two bulls.
    Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.


    BELGIAN CORPORATION


    You have one cow.
    The cow is schizophrenic.
    Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
    The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
    The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
    The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
    The cow dies happy.


    FLORIDA CORPORATION


    You have a black cow and a brown cow.
    Everyone votes for the best looking one.
    Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
    Some people vote for both.
    Some people vote for neither.
    Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
    Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.


    CALIFORNIA CORPORATION


    You have millions of cows.
    They make real California cheese.
    Only five speak English.
    Most are illegal.
    Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.


    A friend e mailed me this today at work.....just had to share!
     
  2. DanTheBanjoman Señor Moderator

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    [​IMG]
    Not sure, Google told me.
     
    Tatty_One says thanks.
  3. TheMailMan78

    TheMailMan78 Big Member

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    Nice. Coming from Florida I can agree with this 100%.

    To me the statement about "REPUBLICANS" couldn't be more to my mindset but I know many will disagree. Also the one about "BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE" was a riot.

    The only one I thought needed adjusting was the "JAPANESE CORPORATION". It should read like this.

    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
    They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
    Most are at the top of their class at cow school. Then kill themselves before 25.
     
    Tatty_One says thanks.
  4. lemonadesoda

    lemonadesoda

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    LOL.

    I tried to stop reading but couldnt. I had to read them all. Very funny.
     
  5. FordGT90Concept

    FordGT90Concept "I go fast!1!11!1!"

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    Hell yeah! :rockout:


    ROFL! :roll:
     
    Crunching for Team TPU
  6. imperialreign

    imperialreign New Member

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    pretty damned funny, man! :toast:
     
  7. das müffin mann

    das müffin mann New Member

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    that tickled my fancy
    pretty darn funny
     

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