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Discussion in 'General Nonsense' started by Kreij, Mar 7, 2008.

  1. Kreij

    Kreij Senior Monkey Moderator Staff Member

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    Some of you who are regulars and read all of the threads in these forums will know that on June 10th of last year, our 18 year old son, Garrett, was killed in a head-on collision with another 18 year old who had been drinking at a graduation party. He was going to college to be a game designer. I was looking forward to a autographed copy of his first game. :(

    Today we went to the courthouse for the offending young man's sentencing.

    He received 2 years in prison and 5 years probation and 100 hours of communittee service to tell others of what he had done and the consequences (and fines of around $30K)

    My heart aches for this young man and his family. We sent a letter to the court to try to keep him out of prison, for even though we lost our son, we have forgiven him and inprisoning him will serve no good purpose other than to give the public at large a distorted sense that justice was served.

    The judge presiding over the case was a fair man, and he had to make sure that all who were involved were served a level of justice that was due them. For this I am grateful, as he could have crucified this young man who did something stupid, but not malicious.

    I just wanted all of you to remember that if we cannot forgive those who have caused us some kind of grief or heartache, that our souls have gone cold. A revengeful or avengeful attitude will do nothing to lessen the pain, and only cause it to become a cancer within us.

    We do not have to forget, but we must forgive.

    Please, please, please, do not drink and drive.

    Thanks for reading this, and God bless you all.
     
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  2. Kusimeka

    Kusimeka

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    I'm really sorry to hear about this, but i feel you, and i hope atleast someone will take up your advice.
     
  3. panchoman

    panchoman Sold my stars!

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    wow man... that really sucks... and that really was nice of you man... i've had something similiar happen to me... a drunk driver crashed into the car of two friends that were very close to me.. one ended up in a coma for about 2-3 weeks, and the other dislocated a nerve in the spinal collum and it was really bad... both of them ended up getting better and are all fine.. but the drunk driver died.. so many people told me that they were glad that the drunk driver died.. but i told them.. that man might've done something very very bad.. but didn't deserve to loose his life because of that.

    once again guys, PLEASE DONT DRINK AND DRIVE! you might be throwing your life away.. but atleast think of the other person while you trash your life.
     
  4. Azazel

    Azazel New Member

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    im sorry to hear about that dude......i think i will find it heard to forgive someone who killed a family member of mine, how do you do it?
     
  5. DOM

    DOM

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    sorry for your loss, but Im the kind of person that would of wanted the Max for the crime if it happened to me, if i didnt kill them first, cuz if you want to make the chose to drink and drive you should pay for it like any other crime, to many ppl are getting of easy for alot of things, and ppl see that and dont care and it happens again :shadedshu
     
  6. Cold Storm

    Cold Storm Battosai

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    You and your wife are true parents. After talking with you for the time I have, and reading that, I'm glad to have parents that act the same way as you.
    To forgive is to never forget, but to make the heartach know the loving, and caring moments in ones life.
    God Bless, and know that There will never be a set of keys in my pants when I grab that drink.
     
  7. Corrosion

    Corrosion New Member

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    Thats sad, but its good to see that you have a good heart. im usually the sober cab when i go to partys so my friends get back home ok. i would hate to see one of them get hurt over that kind of thing.
     
  8. DaMulta

    DaMulta My stars went supernova

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    True. but the sad part is that most of us have done it before in our past. Yet, the worse of worse didn't happen to most of us. To make matters worse this was a kid that probably didn't drink all the time, and just happened to have the worse of luck/bad judgment when this happened. No way to say it's just really sad to hear what happened.

    I'm sorry for your loss. and I'm sure bringing it backup like this isn't easy for you to do. Maybe God has plans for you in other ways from this experience if you believe in those types of things.

    I'm kind of speechless on what to say, because it's just bad.
     
  9. DOM

    DOM

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    I know what your saying, but its still no excuse when you take someones life for you wanting to be cool and drink when your not even legal age, im sure he knew that what can happen when you drink and drive, and chose to not care and ended up taking a life that wanted to do something with it

    @Kreij, your something else cuz I would of gone crazy if that was my daughter
     
  10. Kreij

    Kreij Senior Monkey Moderator Staff Member

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    There is no excuse for what he did.
    He was at a graduation party playing "beer pong". Not exactly sure how to play, but it sounds like fun, and something I would have done at that age.

    I do not forget that I too, was a teenager, and what I did then I will not divulge in case federal agents and the DEA are reading this board ;)

    DaMulta, is right. Anyone who is old enough to remember their younger years and is willing to confess to their stupid actions, knows that they have done something like this.

    That is why we did not want him to be crucified. He made a mistake like anyone else, it just so happened that the results of that mistake were inifitely more serious than others who happen to skate by without harming anyone.

    Due to our faith, we know our boy is with his Lord and not sufferening any more.
    But if anything good is to come from all of this, it is not by having the young man rot in prison. He is honestly tormented by what he did, and will have to live with his actions every day for the rest of his life. The only good that can come from this, is if he goes out and tells other young people about what happened and can save someone else's life by teaching them to stay out of cars when they have been drinking.

    I am not a prude and feel that in the US if you are old enough to join the military and get your ass shot off in a foreign country, you should have the right to enjoy some beers if you want.

    Just stay off the roads.
     
  11. Nitro-Max

    Nitro-Max New Member

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    Sorry to hear about your son. Obviosly time has been a big healer for you i dont know if i could be so forgiving. My kids are my world my life without them id be nothing just a shell with no spirit. i know what you're saying " A revengeful or avengeful attitude will do nothing to lessen the pain" And i admire your compassion and humanity for this i really do.
    Man im filling up myself here just thinking about it couldnt imagine the pain.But you can call me a lesser man for this and you'd be right But i couldnt forgive not when it takes somthing so close to me accident or not.I would feel for the guy because i know he never meant no harm.But forgive no i couldnt.And justice there is no justice really like you said it wouldnt take the pain away.

    Anyway god bless you.
     
  12. DOM

    DOM

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    thats my point kids think its okay to be drinking and driving, I dont drink I have but its a waste of money just for one night of feeling good lol, but your trying to say its okay to kill someone even if you didnt mean to ?
     
  13. hat

    hat Maximum Overclocker

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    Kreij, you are one hell of a philosopher... =O
     
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  14. Kreij

    Kreij Senior Monkey Moderator Staff Member

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    No, DOM. It's not okay to kill someone even if you did not mean to do so.
    What I am saying is that if the consequences of the actions produce no tangible good results, what good is it ? If this kid rots in prison and no one else learns from his mistake, what have we as a society gained? Nothing.

    Do you think that him going to prison is going to deter another teen from drinking?
    Not a chance.
    Unless he can be available to deter them, his punishment has failed, and is basically meaningless.

    Let me give you all a little more insight into what we experienced.

    We received a call from the hospital that is two hours away that Garrett had been in a horrendous accident, and that we had to come NOW.
    When we arrived, he was on life support and had already been give 18 pints of blood. His chest was crushed and he was hemmoraging from his lungs, and they were trying to stabalize him. That did not include the fact that they had to open him up and repair major organ damage, or that he had a masssive head injury that would most likely leave him a vegetable.

    They kept him alive for about 2 hours after that, and finally gave up when nothing was working. He was beyond saving.

    The thing that will bring tears to my eyes for the rest of my life is not the fact that he is gone, but that when he flat lined in the ER, my wife looked at me with tears in her eyes and said "My baby is gone".

    Remember that the boy who caused the accident is someone else's baby. They too are victims of this and do not deserve what they have to deal with.

    Like I said, my heart aches for them.
     
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  15. Nitro-Max

    Nitro-Max New Member

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    Its just the truth m8 and nothing but.
    Theres no justice nothing that can be served that can possibly make you feel better. Or make up for what is lost when it comes to loosing a child the most precious and cherished thing in a parents life.The biggest punishment for that young man is his own guilt which will be a constant nightmare.
     
  16. panchoman

    panchoman Sold my stars!

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    you sir, are a true father all the way through. while you lost one of the most precious things in your life.. instead of seeking revenge, you instead forgave the one that took your son, so that he could be returned to his father, and so that he is not seperated from his father, as you were from your son. you're right, sending the kid to jail would not help and stop dwi'ing, it would just ruin the kids life and not contribute to society. you have me completely mezmerized and i cannot even come up with words to describe you or your actions and thoughts.
     
  17. Kreij

    Kreij Senior Monkey Moderator Staff Member

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    I wish to apologize to you all.
    TPU is a fun loving, exciting board about all things tech, and I do not wish to bring you into my personal problems.

    But if what I have posted can make even a single person think twice and not drink and drive, and perhaps save someone's life.

    Then it was well worth it.
     
  18. Nitro-Max

    Nitro-Max New Member

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    100% understandable m8 i dont drink myself havent for over 6 years now.And ill try my best to teach my kids the same and i will tell them of this when there older.thanks man.
     
  19. DOM

    DOM

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    the last part made me tear up :(

    but still hes alive and they get to see him you dont. like this might not change him if hes not locked up , he needs to be locked up to think of what his done to your family cuz trust me its a whole lot different behind bars, from experience of just 2 days changed me and I use to work as a Prison Guard for 2yrs its not the same

    im going to let it rest, just hope you understand my side.

    when I took a defence driver course last yr one man had 10 DWI's not all ppl learn from there mistakes and others is what im trying to get across

    just dont forget about him, cuz he lives as long as you dont forget about him :cry:
     
  20. Kreij

    Kreij Senior Monkey Moderator Staff Member

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    You are right Dom, we can no longer see our son.
    But we can see their son.

    If he is not too far away, I will go and visit him in prison to keep his spirit up and to encourage him to look to what he can do when he gets out.

    If I can teach him what we had taught our son, and he uses it for good, then we get a whole new "son" out of the deal :)
     
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  21. Nitro-Max

    Nitro-Max New Member

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    Kreij no one on here can even begin to know how you feel or what you went through and you dont have to justify what decissions you and you family make to anyone like i said i really admire your compassion and humanity I suppose its only when you actually look into that young mans eyes and see his guilt and regret and upset.You start to feel the way you do.Your talking from experience. All of us lot can only imagine. But i for one know you are doing the right thing.
     
  22. Cold Storm

    Cold Storm Battosai

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    This is a place to which everyone is "together" because of it. General Nonsense is more of our way to be "together". Allow us to be "more human" in sense.
    I aplod you for who you and your wife is, and This is something worth talking about
     
  23. imperialreign

    imperialreign New Member

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    damn, dude . . . I have to give you a lot of credit for being able to be so forgiving. TBH, if I were in the same situation, I just couldn't be . . . I just can't be understanding of someone's guilt in such a situation - if it were truly an accident, then yes, but imparied or not, he knew full well what he was doing.

    I can, for one, swear that I have never been behind the wheel even slightly tipsy, let alone drunk. Even through all me years where I constantly had a bottle of liquor near me outside of school, through all the times I had been too plastered to speak straight or clearly remember the events of a night - I'd swear on my own blood to that statement. I've always been able to keep a clear enough head and self control about me to just not do it. In my eye, it shows a lack of responsiblity . . . I just can't fathom being that forgiving, truly. Maybe it also stems from drinking and driving in this region has gotten so far out of hand that our local cities have a strict 0 tolerance policy for it. If you're pulled over intoxicated, they impound your car and you won't ever get it back, your drivers license is revoked for 90 days, and you spend two nights in jail - then once you get to your court date for breaking the law, you'll be sentenced to 90 days in jail, a $5,000 - $10,000 fine, 100 hours community service, lose your license for a year, and have a felony on your record. Once you have your license back, they'll require a breathilizer installed in your car for 6 months to a year, and you'll have a temporary license - and I'm not making these punishments up. If you're intoxicated and involved in an accident, you can expect far worse; and killing someone while DUI will earn you 25 years here.

    Seriously, that's how bad our area has become in regards to intoxicated driving. We've had 4 local celebrities (news anchors, etc) pulled over for it over the last 2 years.


    IDK, perhaps I'm just so fed up with seeing one incident after another that I can no longer be forgiving of it.

    I'm sorry for your loss, though, Kreij - to be that forgiving, you are definitely a better man than I. :respect:
     
  24. Triprift

    Triprift

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    That young man will have to live with that for the rest of his life i think thats enuff of sentence for him.
     
  25. JC316

    JC316 Knows what makes you tick

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    Kreij, you are truly a good person. The boy should be held responsible for his actions, but prison does nothing unless he is not sorry for his actions. I think that the best punishment for a crime like that is to have to look into the parents eyes and ask for forgiveness. That would tear me apart way more than prison would and would certainly make me think twice about drinking ever again.
     

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