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wife just left me and and our kids what do I do?

Discussion in 'General Nonsense' started by philbrown23, Nov 26, 2008.

  1. philbrown23

    philbrown23 New Member

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    so as it says, she has been banging another guy and I finally caught her today. she says she no longer wants children that he has them and thats enough for her. I dont know what to do. I'm lost here, I've invested so much into this and my 2 sons love her so much. and she just doe not care.
     
  2. FordGT90Concept

    FordGT90Concept "I go fast!1!11!1!"

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    I take it the situation isn't reconcilable? Hmm, no sane parent disowns their children. I'm no expert but the cause is usually connected to some form of addiction (gambling, alcohol, etc.) or mental instability. Maybe she's depressed?
     
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  3. panchoman

    panchoman Sold my stars!

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    get the kids on your side, file a case in divorce court.
     
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  4. panchoman

    panchoman Sold my stars!

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    phil,i'm very sorry about your situation but i would take this to another forum.. this thread is going to be closed down very soon.

    i hope it all works out for you :toast:
     
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  5. lamil

    lamil New Member

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    Don't ever forget, you have your 2 kids. If everything else turns to shit, you still have them from this, and depending on how old they are, don't let them think that she left because of them. That could really fuck them up thinking their own mother didn't want them.
     
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  6. philbrown23

    philbrown23 New Member

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    no it's not at all reconcileable she has been using heroin and speed I guess for some time now as she has told me, and yes apperently she is VERY mentally unstable because all this stuff she has been doing is very borked up. I just dont know boys, and I'm sorry for posting this all here, but tbh tpu really are the only friends I have.
     
  7. panchoman

    panchoman Sold my stars!

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    definently a great way to get the custody of the kids and child support.
     
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  8. Katanai

    Katanai

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    Dude, watch out! She is the enemy now, remember that. You gotta think this through and approach the situation very strategically.
     
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  9. JC316

    JC316 Knows what makes you tick

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    I am really sorry to hear this man. I agree with Katanai. She declared war and drew first blood, time to start thinking of a way out with minimal fuss and you get the kids. Get proof that she is messing around, get proof of the drugs etc.
     
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  10. Namslas90 New Member

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    In most states the "messing around" stuff does not matter (much). But proof of the drug abuse will ensure you get custody of the kids.

    Just be sure to leave the kids out of most of the courtroom BS..unless their presence is requested by the judge.

    Also, never SMILE in the courtroom....most judges actually believe you are "getting away with or hiding something!"
    :toast:
     
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  11. FordGT90Concept

    FordGT90Concept "I go fast!1!11!1!"

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    Well then...

    ...I see two ways to approach, specifically, her:

    1) You got yourself a third child (her, to be clear). You make it your business trying to clean her up and be a saint. Doing so could tear you down too. This is a very steep hill to climb and whether or not it is worth climbing depends on how much love is there--underneath the addiction. This isn't an option if she won't admit she has a problem and is willing to do something about it.

    2) She f'd herself up and you take no remorse. Hold what is dear to you close (the kids) and walk away seeking a better life. It is taxing on the brain to do this (the what if's) but, if there isn't anything there, it is the better solution.

    I don't admire your situation. :(
     
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  12. KieranD

    KieranD

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    divorce courts is the only way to go, get custody of the kids too
    you can file for divorce clearly you will win becasue she cheated on you and the fact she cheated on and disowned your kids should mean you get to look after the kids

    if she wont do all these things take her to the divorce courts

    i feel really bad for you because recently at the start of the year my parents split and still its going on and on, they settled amicably but hes going to court for forcing my mother out of the house, like manhandle basically and not to mention its his fault he cheated and still thinks she is just as bad for having a new partner even tho she got one well after all that happened at least 7 months after, shes okay to do so it brings her happiness and its not the same thing he cheated she is not

    i hope it gets settled for the children sake becasue having that drag out
     
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  13. KieranD

    KieranD

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    dont get proof consult a lawyer first, tampering ect is bad
    consult a lawyer they know what to do best

    she dosnt want the kids and wants this new guy and is willing to take his kids, she is despicable
     
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  14. Duffman

    Duffman New Member

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    Sorry to hear that man. I went through a separation last year myself. I can't imagine what it would have been like if kids were involved.

    As others have said, you have your kids, she's obviously unstable. Sometimes it's just best to let them go. Get custody of the kids and distance yourself from her.

    Wishing you guys the best.
     
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  15. mlee49

    mlee49

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    What a horrible experience to go through. I hope your able to stabilize your family's living situation first and then talk to your children about how things are going to be different.

    Try talking to any public counseling services as they may have resources for you, your family, or even her(drug addicition support). If all is lost then social services would be the best option.

    I sure hope your childeren are young enough to not remember this.
     
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  16. El Fiendo

    El Fiendo

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    Personally in my opinion, your first duty is to your kids. If you think about wanting to rehabilitate her as suggested earlier, remember they will be beside you step by step seeing all that that entails. Its going to come down to weighing the consequences of them not having her as a mother to them regaining her as a mother. It sounds like she's pretty far down this road which means she's got pretty far to come back and its going to be a fight the whole way. If you think them seeing the process is worth the result then thats your choice. I'd personally cut her out and give her time to get a fair amount of this out. I don't think it'd be fair to your kids to have to be drug through all the excess drama of that. But if she truly is unstable, keep a grip on those kids. Spite can still come into play by her lying and getting custody. I don't know her but seeing what she's done so far, I wouldn't put more devastation to her children past her simply to get at you, should you get on her wrong side.
     
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  17. Kreij

    Kreij Senior Monkey Moderator Staff Member

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    Get a lawyer and get councelling for you and the kids. Do not seek advice for something like this on a public forum.
     
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  18. Binge

    Binge Overclocking Surrealism

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    Hey. Sorry to hear about your loss, and it really is a significant loss. Do your best to remove it from your life, and get her help if you can. The thing about her having children is that with the proper authorities involved she will not be able to deny treatment or she goes to prison.
     
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  19. philbrown23

    philbrown23 New Member

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    thaks guys so much. this stuff really means alot to me
     
  20. lemonadesoda

    lemonadesoda

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    Sorry to hear about this. Horrible news.

    But take strength from the fact that sometimes the most difficult changes are for the better.

    If you are really honest with yourself, has your wife been a positive influence on your and your children in the last months/years? Recognise and accept this no matter how much you love her or feel an obligation, for better or for worse.

    There is no point trying to hold on to someone that has mentally already left. It's a horrible situation you find yourself in, but now is the time to call in on friends, AND

    Take is slow and steady like an ox, dont scurry around like a rat. Be strong, be firm, dont compromise. Dont let anyone suck the energy out of you and leave you and empty husk.
     
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  21. TheMailMan78

    TheMailMan78 Big Member

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    Do a barrel roll.
     
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  22. imperialreign

    imperialreign New Member

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    Sorry to hear about what you're going through, man.


    I'd have to agree with Kreij over this - divorce and custody hearings can get extremelly messy. I'd advise seeking a good child custody or divorce lawyer so that you are informed of your rights, and how you must proceed with things.

    Agreed as well to seek a psyhciatrist for your children, to help them better understand the situation, and to especially help them understand that it is not their fault. Children do have a tendancy to blame themselves when these things happen . . .



    As to being able to help your significant other - I can say speaking from experience, having been with someone with an addiction . . . no matter how much you may want to be able to help them, you won't be able to do anything unless they want to help themselves. Trying to help when they don't want it could very easily backfire, and make matters worse, if not drag you down with them.

    As hard as it may be to hear, you might have to do yourself the favor and just move on.


    I definitely don't envy you in this situation. The absolute best of luck to you, man!
     
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  23. Castiel

    Castiel

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    Dude I'm sorry. I would file a case in divorce court. Get full custody of the kids, and then love them all you can.
     
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  24. 7pU~m0m New Member

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    lol do a barrell roll:confused:..nice..kinda off topic tho lol
    man that really sucks..... youz needz a hugz :} *HuGZ* :D
     
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  25. viczulis

    viczulis New Member

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    Sorry to hear that man, that sucks. But before you do any thing sit down and think this out. Make sure what ever you do its done with the kids in mind. Good luck and remember you will get over this and move on. if needed. And please take good care of the kids they are really going to need you more than ever to get through this.
     
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