Old Uncle Kreij's 2011 Gamers' Christmas Contest

[Kreij]

Old Uncle Kreij's 2011 Gamers' Christmas Contest
Once again I simply ask that you write to the best of your ability.

Contest : Write why you think that TPU is the best website on the internet.
Your post will be judged by your eloquent use of the english language and your ability to use over-the-top analogies, injecting a great measure of humor and your butt kissing prowess.
Brown nosing and blowing sunshine and rainbows up the staffs' butt is allowed and recommended as this contest is designed to offset the beating we received in the "abuse the mods" contest.
Blowing sunshine up my butt will not affect your chances of winning so I suggest you brown nose someone else who is more deserving.

I'm putting this contest in the gaming section because if you are not a gamer you will not appreciate, or need, the prize.

RULES:
1) Contest is open to all TPU members, including all staff.
2) You must be in a location that I can legally send you something from the US, and you must be willing to PM me your name and address.
3) One official entry per member. Posting in the thread is allowed, but your entry MUST be marked as your official entry.
4) All entries must be submitted before December 18th, 2011
5) All TPU posting guidelines are in effect ... as always. You've been warned.
6) There will be one judge for this contest. Me, and my decision is final. I will not ask anyone else to judge as it would exclude them from the contest.

PRIZE : I'm not telling you or anyone else. If you trust that yer Ol' Uncle Kreij will do you right, enter the contest. If not, move along. It's that simple.

DISCLAIMER:
This is not an official TPU contest and by entering the contest you agree to hold TPU, it's staff and anyone else (including me) harmless in the event problems occur do to the fact of you accepting the prize.

 

[qubit]

Hahaha, I'm gonna enjoy this one! And we don't even know what the prize is. Awesome.

Everyone: trust uncle Kreij.

 

[erocker]

What's the prize?

 

[AlienIsGOD]

What's the prize?

the one we all usually reserve for W1z, Teh Hookers and blow

 

[Kreij]

What's the prize?

It's a secret. If you want to try to win, enter the contest.
After all, you don't know what's in a Christmas present until you open it, no?

I don't think we've ever had a "mystery prize" contest on TPU before. Should be fun.

 

[Tatty_Two]

This is my official entry, get the sick bags out


Ohhh Techpowerup ............Shall I compare thee to a Supermoderators smile?
No......thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake my very browser
And summer's lease hath all too short a date,
even though I often stay up far far too late

But thine community doth oooze incredulous appeal
Kreij loins stiff and moist with anticipation at another B/S/T deal
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
That's my W1zzard.... some German geezer; hat round, pointed and brimmed

And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
For this community will always live on,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest, but never gone
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this techpowerup and this gives life to thee.

Yeah, alright, I know it's bad, but it is at least "eloquent" and the origional "olde English"

 

[Kreij]

Thanks for starting things off, Tatty. You are officially in the running.

Note : You can post multiple entries for fun, but one must be marked as your official entry.
Feel free to change which post is your official entry if you so desire.

I have the feeling this may be the most hysterically funny contest ever.

Note 2 : I will not post what the prize is even when the contest is over. If the winner wishes to say what it was then they can do so
I want no kudos for this contest, it's just my way of saying thanks to the best bunch of internet misfits I've ever had the honor to know.

 

[_JP_]

your eloquent use of the english language and your ability to use over-the-top analogies

Aw damn...I'm out.

 

[Kreij]

Aw damn...I'm out.

Go for it JP.
It's not about spelling or grammar, it's just about attitude and good fun.

 

[theJesus]

This is my official entry. Its contents are subject to change at any time until the end of the contest.

TPU is not merely the best site on the internet; it is the best community in the world. Period. This and all prior contests are evidence of that, as are Paulieg's Pay it Forward, and the MKmods Tribute Build, just to name a few.

But let's stop and think for a moment: What draws so many great people to TPU, like Charlie Sheen is drawn to coke and hookers?

The staff, my dear friends, the staff . . .

W1z no doubt writes the most splendiferous GPU reviews, testing new cards 'til they go BOOM!
Darksaber subjects his components to repeated installation in more cases than Ron Jeremy has installed himself in women.
btarunr sacrifices his sanity every day wading through incomprehensible Engrish to bring us the latest news.
Qubit martyrs himself daily in the name of humor and satire.
DanTheBanjoman is evil and sadistic, but that's OK because we're all masochists on the inside.
Black Panther, well, she showed us her bum.
Mussels moderates upside down; all the blood rushing to his head makes him Mildly Insane.
sneekypeet sells cases and coolers LIKE A BOSS
TheMailMan--oh, he's not staff?--nevermind.
I think erocker secretly hates us all and I'm not sure what the rest of you do, besides babysit us weirdos

 

[Kreij]

Its contents are subject to change at any time until the end of the contest.

No worries people, I always reread all of the entries in my contests after the contest is closed to make sure I didn't miss anything that may have changed.

 

[JC316]

This is my official entry.

TPU is great from the jump. Simple stuff like registering, you enter a username, e-mail, then you start posting. With other sites, the registration process is like having to run nekkid through a cactus farm and not come out bloody on the other side.

Once you register, odds are you won't post anything thanks to the ridiculous amount of tech info and reviews. You can spend a week just reading. Once you do decide to post, you will encounter the friendliest bunch of nerds on the internet. You don't feel like you are being thrown in with hungry rottweilers with a bacon suit on.

The staff is usually nice, unless you catch erocker with low blood sugar or something, but a ban is always the last resort. The reviews are top notch and let me tell you something, reviewing for W1z is like having a pine cone shoved up your ass, but the end result is awesome, so my hat is off to all reviewers.

The people make the site, so obviously TPU is the best. Now generalnonsense.net, that is where the rejects like me get sent, thus making TPU even better.

 

[Iceni]

Official entry.

Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away i was a member of a forum called Geforcezone. The forum was clean, informative and had a good collection of members who would willingly try to destroy hardware by doing stupid things mostly in the name of 3dmark99/01.

On this site I was taught by some of the most enthusiastic, people i have ever met. Note enthusiastic doesn't run hand in hand with successful. In fact this site taught me the hard learned lesson of bricking your rig, over clocking to destruction, and the overall cost of keeping up to date in a world where things change pace at a rate equal to the rate you should change your underwear.

The geforcezone however was a little xenophobic, and after ATI started to produce cards that were as powerful if not more powerful than the competition the site had a rebrand. Ausfx was born, Here we spoke the magic of over clocking to a wide audience of wide eyed boys sat in dark corners trying to get max payne to run at anything more than a slide show. The techboys advised, beat down, and starved the trolls. The over clockers compared scores, ranted and generally showed the rest of the community up, And the moderators were seen as the fair hand of god, willing to break the back of the lay user, and keep everyone on the straight and narrow.

Well times change, Hardware develops, people move on, and more importantly people get complacent.

With complacence comes fear, You have used your rig, in the same case for years. You know the numbers. As a consumer you become hardened but not wizened by age. So you go back to your old haunts to find they are no more, Domains have changed, sites disbanded, resources lost and pitifully out of date. It's all well and good checking out a nice site but when it's more like reading an archive of past computer parts it may as well no longer exist... It's just like the ends of the internet, still sat there from times gone, just for the few people that have been stuck in a time vortex and refused to move for the past 10 years.

And with that you start a web trawl.

Sometimes a web trawl leads you directly to your destination, Like getting a taxi home after too many drinks, you can neither remember speaking the destination, or the ride but somehow you land at your front door and the key works.

Other times you have gone to a foreign land, Asked for the airport, had a 3 hour drive and ended up at some god forbidden part of the island surrounded by locals, where English is a language only whispered about. You can walk for days and still the best conversation your going to get is the donkey you managed to marry, and the caramel that a local swapped for your wife... Your screwed, Nothing is getting you any closer to your destination.... Then all of a sudden something in the distance catches your eye... A sign, something you can actually get some tangible information from.

So you read on....

However the sign you saw was only half truths, parts of a bigger story. People have linked and grabbed from there catacombs, And then dumped the carcass on a butchers block to be dismembered, The site you found is a sham, The people and the community are not the source of the information. There acting upon information learned elsewhere, plucked and picked at to only show you the parts that will sell. This is not a tangible site filled with chaos failure and problem solving. No this a link node, with some of the finest googlers out there, to get to the root and source you must delve deeper, and eventually like a well spring the source is tapped.

Apprehension.

You see it on every new comers face. A post filled with apologies, Broken English, and bad grammar. You know this is an first post. You can almost feel the sweat on the chubby fingers tapping furiously on a worn keyboard. The pent frustration and fear of a beat down for a problem that has probably been asked a million times. Answered in stickies, and posted in a noobie filter thread that the chubby fingers managed to evade while the frantic eyes mealy skimmed the page looking for the start new post button.

The beat down is Nigh,

Then out of the depths of madness comes.

Welcome to TPU

You will find all your needs and questions answered by the fine fellows here.

Ice broken, Threat of posting completely nullified.... what's not to love!

This forums gets most things right, Friendly, Informative, It's the source of a lot of the data that is been used, It has super techys, super OCers, and expert problem solvers. All wrapped up with an easy to use interface without any of those daft colours, flashy bits, Ect.

If it can be answered someone here will solve it. And you won't get flamed to crap in the process.

 

[white phantom]

my official entry

MY official entry (might as well give it a bash since never have before )

well well well...the good old techpower up

It is simply the best site on the web for us computer "nerds" period!
It is packed with everything you will ever need for all your computing and tech related wooos and woes, from the latest reviews to the best case gallery pics anywhere on the www.
The best part is the members though each one who i have met has been of the most amazing help with some even going out there way to help a newcomer out, i remember my first day signed up asking about a cheapo water cooler and straight away was welcomed with great help and advice and even got offered parts for my system for the simple price of postage in place of what i was asking about(not sure if the member would want mentioned here however i have thanked him elsewhere).
Nowhere else on the web have i felt more "virtually" welcomed than at techpower up along with being informed daily with the latest and greatest of the world of tech and not getting gunned down for asking a "stupid nooby question" just simply replied with super answers or links to help me out.
It doesn't matter where you are from or what system you have got being it stone age dated or sci fi cutting edge its one big techy family and the best bit?..... Theres still a long list of members for me to meet and plenty of time for me to do it in

So cheers to the guys and gals at techpower up for making it the best site on the WWW EVER!

just a short one and to the point for me

thanks

white

 

[Kreij]

What kind of moron makes a contest and doesn't tell you what the prize is ?!? :shadedshu

Oh wait ....

 

[EarthDog]

My official entry: LOL.

 

[Irony]

(Please agree to the unincluded EULA before commenting.)

After many long hard seconds of Grueling Agonizing searching through the english language for the utmost descriptors of this Forum, not to mention trying to decide between obtaining an original thought or Plaigeurizing something applicable from the great Internets, I came to the unalterable conclusion that TPU can not be summed up in one word; it must take a number.

Pi.

In its full, infinite state it is all inclusive; much like Om.

 

[scaminatrix]

TPU is the best site on the net because there is no other site where you can laugh, cry, buy, sell, hate on macs and fap all in one sitting.

Eagerly waiting for this year's saucy christmas avatars....


*Official entry*

Oh and...

Please agree to the unincluded EULA before commenting.

 

[AhokZYashA]

i going to think for a while,
absolutely no idea at this moment

 

[MilkyWay]

April fools.

EDIT: LOL Kreij. I might have a think about this one, see what people post first.

 

[Kreij]

April fools.

If you were born in April, maybe. If you don't enter the contest, definitely.

Take your time, all. Lots of time to ponder on what you want to write or to make changes to what you've already entered.

Contest FAQ
Q) Why should I enter if I don't know what the prize is going to be or if I will like/want it?
A) STFU and enter, or lose out on your chance to win.

Enjoy the contest folks.

(the FAQ was not directed at you, Kieran, I'm just trolling my contest thread. lol)

 

[assaulter_99]

My official entry :

TPU keeps me from wantin" more pr0n. That in itself is proof that its the best Wsite on the net. Nuff said.

 

[exodusprime1337]

here is mine, tried to be as cheesy as possible lol

In the interwebs of yonder came a young man ponder
Wherefore might the great overclocking minds wander
Search after search google made my mind somber
Whence out in the cloud TPU rose like a great WWII bomber

What is this, oh and this, oh this, and this
I registered quicker than I could take a piss
With my new handle email confirmed
Wait I see this and this and this

Lost in the searches and threads and the posts
I couldn’t believe that this site had the most
From the Crazy picture thread’s hilarious jokes
To the OC and Cooling threads numerous pros

When I was lost the mods came like navi the farie
Resurrecting me like a year old post
Pointing me back to the thread made for gaming
Bad Company 2 yeah!!! My M90 roaring

Christmas came and my girl came to you
Erocker the god over at TPU
My BF wants the most epic of gifts
Erocker says here go get this

Black Panther shows up on my facebook wall
A moderator giving smiles to all
Easy Rhino with his Teamspeak servers
So I can hear my victims whimpers

Whats wrong with our forums
This thread shows from time to time
Nothing you fools, go look at Overclockers.net
This family we have seems to do nothing but thrive

Not kissing any ass, but let me confide
You guys and girls on the forums help keep me alive
My hobby is thriving, and my computer surviving
Thanks to the mods, and paulieg the wise!!

 

[_JP_]

Go for it JP.
It's not about spelling or grammar, it's just about attitude and good fun.

Alright.
*Grabs the mike*
Ahem.



Attention TPU forum members!
SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING DARK SIDE!!!
That is all.



Uhm, That didn't go well... :\

Nah, I'm just kidding. I'll try to come up with something (better).

 

[Athlon2K15]

i think tpu is the best because we have the best motherboard reviewer on the planet