US Independance Day Celebration for System Builders

[Kreij]

In the US, on July 4th, we are celebrating 236 years of independance from those wacky Brits.


So .....

Contest Requirements :
1) Must be in the US. It's our holiday after all.
2) Must have 50 posts.
3) Must have a valid e-mail address to send gift to.

Contest Prize :
A $236 dollar gift certificate to NewEgg.

What you have to do :
In 1776 the founding fathers signed the declaration of independance. If you had been there, knowing what you do now, what would you have told them to add/change/delete ?
The funnier the better.

All entries must be by July 8th (end of the holdiday weekend).

Go.

Disclaimer : This is my contest and not an offical TPU contest. I choose the winner since I'm footing the bill. If you are from the UK and find the term "wacky Brits" offensive, call someone who cares because you Brits are just as wacky as us Americans.

 

[v12dock]

Socialized health care... punishable by death

Apple does not have the right to patent every stupid 'innovative product' that they end up stealing or buying that also includes shapes and colors

 

[erocker]

Amendment: Congress must make minimum wage.

Amendment: No lobbyists

Amendment: No politician running for office may accepts any sort of money or other contribution.

 

[Kreij]

IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY CHANGES !!!
(sheesh, I don't want this to end up a political flame thread)

 

[STCNE]

Every few years the supreme court must get together and decide on the most important question on our minds: AMD or NVIDIA?

(I was going to think of something serious, but erocker pretty much said all I was going to say and more)

 

[jasper1605]

1. English is the official language: we will not inconvenience English speaking Americans nor cater to non-English speaking Americans. If you don't understand it or don't like this THEN MOVE OUT. (please note this will only affect national policy, foreign language learning is encouraged to get tourists like crazy brits to come. Lord knows with their accents, you need to train.)

2. This is an open political system with the following additional rules: If you don't support guns: you can't vote. If you don't pay taxes: you don't vote. If you cannot currently name the governor of your state: you cannot vote. If you think that animals or trees have more rights than humans: you cannot vote (conservation good. Hippies bad). If you do not speak English: please see rule 1. If you whine about how hard your life is because your phone doesn't upload a picture to facebook fast enough: you cannot vote.

3. If your last name happens to be Kardashian: you will be exiled for the betterment of America. Go to England and let them deal with you.

4. Any and all males named Justin Bieber will be flogged daily simply because their existence offends the very definition of 'music'

5. To make sure that those running for office really want to be there: the loser of the election will become the personal servant/slave to the winner of the election for the duration of the term.

6. If you are on government assistance of any kind please see this section:
a. You WILL take mandatory random drug tests throughout your stay on living off of other people
b. If you have more than 2 children, you will be sterilized if you have another child.

7. If there is any doubt in interpreting the constitution, Declaration of Independence or any of the Amendments the Supreme Court will not have the final say: the moderators of TechPowerUp! will.

8. Male Cheerleaders: outlawed

9. If you are a foreign country receiving assistance from the U.S. and you attack us, threaten us or complain about us: your aid will be revoked.

10. There will be no more than 100 lawyers/attorneys per state to cut down on frivolous lawsuits

11. Please see #7 to settle all disputes regarding anything else the future may entail.

12. Anyone who claims to invent the internet but states so falsely will be fed to the polar bears that may be in a predicament with the inconvenient truth of global warming.

 

[NC37]

-Politicians failing to keep campaign promises will be subject to punishment by the parties they failed to keep the promises to. Punishment must be done in as embarrassing a way as possible and be done in a public spectacle.

-Fillabusters must be decided in a Thunderdome style duel. Weapons will be determined by the participants. Congressmen or Senators unwilling to participate must backdown from their position. No champions will be allowed. If you feel strongly enough about your issue, be ready to fight to the death for it!

 

[brandonwh64]

What I am about to say would fix our country

Every male must serve atleast 3 years of military duty at the age of 18

*BTW* july 8th the contest end date is my birthday

 

[Irony]

(IMPORTANT! Before reading, Please read and agree fully to the terms and conditions listed in the unincluded EULA.)



IN THE UNITED STATES OF MIND, JULY 4, (July 3rd release date, not to be recognized as an official doctrine of humanity until the 4th.) 2012 (Just count backwards 236 years; you'll figgur it out)

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen disunited States of Irony


When in the Course of certain events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the emotional bands which have connected them with Apple products and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of Kreij requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all computer components are not created equal, that they are endowed by their Manufacturer with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are User Enjoyment, OC ability and the pursuit of Adequate Cooling. — As well as compatibility with games and programs and freedom to upgrade hardware without having to buy overpriced 'apple' badged crap that's three generations old. — That to secure these rights, Manufacturers are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the Buyers, — That whenever any Company becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Management, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Usefulness and Worthfulness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Companies long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that Geeks are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Companies, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these TPU Addicts; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to Remove the controlling company Apple, overdue for absolute abolishment.


_______________________________________________

Okay, that was my attempt. Kindof turned into a huge apple hate fest; it stems from from truth, I have a friend who just paid $1100 for a macpro with DDR memory and an ati 2600. The sole purpose was to get windows Parallel working. Makes me want to cry, then hate on apple. I even offered to build him a PC for 2/3 the money and not charge anything for it; I think he did it just to spite me. Expensive spite...


Long Live freedom from apple Porducts, Long Live Freedom from silly brits, Long Live PC's, Long Live TPU, and Long Live our Addiction to computers and this site!


Editjasper1605: yours was good.

 

[micropage7]

so im just watching,

Must be in the US. It's our holiday after all.

and im far far away..

 

[yogurt_21]

just realized the OP is about the declaration of independance and most are posting about changes to the Constitution. Will have to think on it more.

 

[Frick]

I would tell them the following:

DON'T DO IT! YOU CANNOT FATHOM THE HORRORS YOU'RE ABOUT TO UNLEASH!

 

[natr0n]

- Well Endowed Women under law must remain bare breasted in public any act which violates the endowment can be prosecuted with a not well endowed blouse of shame.

 

[Bow]

Free Beer and weed is legal

 

[FordGT90Concept]

Redact the whole thing and replace it with a tastefully nude painting of Benjamin Franklin draped in the French flag bro-bumping Thomas Jefferson whom is draped in the flag of the 13 colonies. King George III is painted in the foreground (back to the perspective, clearly taut with rage) watching Jefferson and Franklin stride away. It would be signed "Kreij 2012" and, on the backside where King George's face would show through, there is a painted trollface. For 236 years, people wonder what it means...and then all becomes clear: Kreij is a trolling time traveler! Or Kreij has been framed (ha!)...by ME!

King George III would probably be so offended that he would have re-declared war.

 

[lilkiduno]

Dear King George III,

We the repersentives of the thirteen colonies would be declaraing our indepenence from England. Yes, we are aware of your armys but we have inharated new information reguarding sophiscated weapons designs and now have operational machine guns. We shall defeat your armys. If you shall still desire the need to slaughter your entire army you know where to find us.

P.S. for future information. We the AMERICANS are correct it is spelled COLOR!

 

[mlee49]

My suggests are as follows:


Scientists will now(and forever) are to be considered celebrities.

Every August 4th beer will be free from 12-1pm in the White House.

Future resedents of a state called Missouri are leagally required to have Redneck Drivers Liscenses. (Not that much different than current times)

Freedom != Liberation

Slaves are legal, they will be called Congressmen and Lawyers.

Basic human rights will not be auctioned off to the highest corporation.

Scandals in the government will be televised.

What happens in Spanish Territory STAYS in Spanish Territory.

Expect the Spanish Inquisition.

Dont Supersize me.

//thats enough for now

 

[Black Panther]

Not part of the contest, I'm not in the U.S.

But I stole your Declaration of Independence a couple of times. A funny robot in a judge's wig called Button Gwinnet was guarding it

 

[D007]

To stress more that defending your country against all invaders foreign "AND DOMESTIC" is part of the constitution.
Mabe we'd have more people willing to make a real change.. Not just an Obama change in your pocket, change..

 

[TheoneandonlyMrK]

103.b addendum, the peoples will at all times try to at least speak actual english, not tomaaaato but tomato for eg, this law is punishable by death

 

[lilkiduno]

just realized the OP is about the declaration of independance and most are posting about changes to the Constitution. Will have to think on it more.

As typical Americans, some of us still choose to ignore the challenge at hand. Thus they are attempting to change the constitution.

 

[TheMailMan78]

1. Fapping is mandated by law.
2. Drinking in public is a G-d given right.
3. No standard shall be lowered for woman and or minorities......unless they are hot.
4. We only attack countries with woman hotter then ours.
5. Health care is to be decided on a local level and only after at least 2 hours of smoking weed.
6. We go to war only if attacked directly or if amendment 4 applies.
7. Gay marriage is outlawed only in states that have teleportation system to planet X. We don't want the homosexuals to piss off Godzilla. We saw what he did to Tokyo when his Toyota broke down. No one wants Godzilla in their rectum. NO ONE.

 

[Norton]

Two recommended changes/additions:


A theme song: America (F*** Yeah!)
http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/team_america/america_fuck_yeah.html

and

no document is complete without an EULA or a legal disclaimer...

example:
"Professional Driver on a closed course do not attempt"

 

[stinger608]

Laws can only be amended by laws through laws pertaining only to laws that allow amending laws for laws that can be amended.

 

[fullinfusion]

Id smack that shit outa there hand and said!

Bro, thay have that good green up in the north!

Think about it and ya mabey wanna sign the I AM CANADIAN roster instead!!!




Sorry fockerz! bunch of whinerz