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Awww, c'mon , beauty is in the eye of beholder You'll see it if You wanna see it plus You really do not wanna get mom Earth mad do Ya?

if you stay awake and aware and you slow down everything you can see the depressing parts in this world, only few can stay sane after seeing that

I feel that. Sometimes I just get tired of being alive. I kind of laugh at some people these days... like "welcome to my world" lol. It's always been like that for me. But now more than ever so many people will try to tell you what to hate. I'm tired. That's the worst of it all. The hate will take your soul. And you'll think you're good. You'll think you finally see.

But nah, I learned early, (and verrry luckily - I coulda just been dead yanno?) that nihilism cuts both ways. There's wisdom in learning to use the fuck it adjustment skillfully. There are places within myself I can always go... not ideal places, but places free of the need for ideals. The only place I can go when nowhere seems far enough. I don't know how I would face the world with no sanctuary.

I'm tired of seeing so many great soldiers die on the battlefields, death of civilians, injustice, stupidity, corruption, ugly people and so on. I'm tired of cliché "be the change", "believe in yourself" bullshit. I don't even know what to do with myself. Should I enlist with my crappy eyesight and deteriorating health? I dunno, I don't think I'll be the perfect soldier.

Nah, man. Choose wisely there. There are probably some things you can do to make it worth it for you.

They say depression is so hard because you're actually not wrong... this world is great at keeping you from thinking about shit that makes you happy because it actually sucks. There are ways to compartmentalize the world weariness, mindsets you can take anywhere and use to zero in on actionable stuff that counts.

But it always starts with caring for yourself. Mind, linked to body by spirit. It's all there, man. Good, bad, and ugly. Promise. How's "nothing really matters" sound instead? Free some things up. Blow out the stagnant air from betwixt your ears. Cuz it ain't you. Not your fault. Find the reset button.

robot zombie, I'm not depressed. I just hate that tons of things don't depend on me at all. So many innocent people die by hands of occupation troops, so many great people don't get enough credit, overrated idiots are living happy and safe lives, science is underappreciated and underfunded.

And whatever I do, it doesn't change a single thing, I'm just running in circles and getting more angry. That's why I thought that maybe going to war will purify me.

Not implying that you are depressed. I mention it because it's the same things driving what you're experiencing, just on a more external plane. As in, you feel like shit about the world because it is shitty. It's the correct response. Just cruelly not the most conducive to change. And then, there's survivor's guilt on top. Knowing that while you sit, think, and live, others aren't so lucky. And the options are slim.

Can't say what the answers to it are. It's different for everybody. But I do think there are ways of dealing with it and turning it into good, satisfying outcomes. Sometimes our thoughts and observations are just bigger than our entire being as persons. We are dwarfed by it, and this can lead to a lot of misery. I think when the answers come, there is no doubt. Till then, you live for what you can.

Salinger once wrote something along the lines of "An immature man dies for his cause, while a mature man lives humbly for it." But that does imply heavier burdens with the latter route. Eschewing notions of ever being free of the pain. It's a noble thing, to gaze upon the sorrows of the world and allow it into your heart. So long as desperation doesn't consume you.

Man, you're right, it's gotta be my survivor's guilt. While others risk their lives I just work and sleep. I always imagine what if I die and meet those people and they ask me "dude did you do anything worthwhile" and I'll have nothing to say.

I get that feeling all of the time. I hope that people around me will remember me as a friend and a muse. Someone who made a difference for them. I may not save the world, but it keeps me pretty busy. But that's just where I feel called. Something I can put a lot of effort into, in many ways. Find new ones all of the time. See others repeat the action and the world feels more hopeful. "Oh hey this is bigger than me."

I like to think that those guys would recognize any person who gives up some of their comfort for others, whatever that may mean. In a sense, they fight so that others can, too. For others who make sacrifices, so it won't be a waste. So many battles one can fight. All one spirit. Only question is what you can do from where you are. Where can you go? No good to anyone burning up in space. We all breathe different air.

When those guys ask you what you did, point to the people down below and say "Ask them." That's the gist for me.

Truth is I don't want any friends. Just want to do something essential maybe for my country, maybe for entire mankind but most likely for myself so I can say "wow I did that!" I just realized that guilt is far worse than fear and pain.

That's you! Might be telling you something. Guilt is a higher-order function of your being. So it can override fear and pain. But that also means it is in a place where you can reach and manipulate it. Place at back to achieve maximum thrust. Fear and pain center on you. It's omnidirectional spheroid chaos. Guilt includes an external wall to push off of. It's more of a beam pattern emotion. Like a flashlight.

That sounds so… geometric!