Back to Uni i go!

[purecain]

As I'm no longer able to run my old business building PC's. Ive had no choice but to turn to software development / programming.

I've just spent over a year teaching myself ,mainly python and have been accepted onto a high level course which covers python, r, php and a little c+. I go in tomorrow to pick up my pass's and class schedule.

I'm scared to death I'm not going to be able to keep up. All I know is, I have a little girl relying on me to be successful, and this is now my only way back into earning big bucks.

At least this way I'm still working with pc's and I actually love seeing my code run. everytime it works im surprised... lol

Anyway wish me luck... I may have to run a few things by the community if I fail to grasp everything quickly enough. I have a friend also thats a lifeline for info, but its nice to know that if I still feel unsure I can run it by the pro's here.

I cant sleep, my nerves are wrecked! onward and upwards!

 

[Toothless]

Good luck. If you make it in somewhere there is bank to be made.

 

[tabascosauz]

I mean, what better time than now, with a spanking new 3900X to support you on your way and a U12A to supervise that temperamental wench

In all seriousness, best of luck, buddy. I'm on hiatus being 2/3 of the way through a typically graduate degree at an undergraduate level halfway around the world, and I gotta go back to school too in about a year's time. And with the way my life has been going, everything is on the line for me as well.

Looks like this is something you do like doing, and at the end of the day, that's half the battle. Come and chill with us if you need us!

 

[purecain]

Very much appreciated tabascosauz. I will most certainly take you up on the offer.

@Toothless I know right, so at least our efforts in this area arnt wasted. fingers crossed all will go well for both of us.

 

[moproblems99]

As I'm no longer able to run my old business building PC's. Ive had no choice but to turn to software development / programming.

I've just spent over a year teaching myself ,mainly python and have been accepted onto a high level course which covers python, r, php and a little c+. I go in tomorrow to pick up my pass's and class schedule.

I'm scared to death I'm not going to be able to keep up. All I know is, I have a little girl relying on me to be successful, and this is now my only way back into earning big bucks.

At least this way I'm still working with pc's and I actually love seeing my code run. everytime it works im surprised... lol

Anyway wish me luck... I may have to run a few things by the community if I fail to grasp everything quickly enough. I have a friend also thats a lifeline for info, but its nice to know that if I still feel unsure I can run it by the pro's here.

I cant sleep, my nerves are wrecked! onward and upwards!

All you need is your name on that paper saying you did it so you can get hired. Then you can live on stack overflow like everyone else.

 

[the54thvoid]

Why focus on earning 'big bucks'? Why not earn enough to be happy and be a good father? Money is a means, not a method; focus on the things that matter, love your daughter with your heart and true wealth will follow. Good luck on your studies but if you value wealth over anything else, you're already poor.

 

[Space Lynx]

Why focus on earning 'big bucks'? Why not earn enough to be happy and be a good father? Money is a means, not a method; focus on the things that matter, love your daughter with your heart and true wealth will follow. Good luck on your studies but if you value wealth over anything else, you're already poor.

yep, exactly. my niece is 10 and her father has not talked to her in a few years (his loss cause she is amazing and makes me laugh all the time), so I took over a lot of those roles. we are going fishing this weekend, I asked her what she wanted to do, and she said fishing, she also just got a turtle for her birthday. turns out these things don't cost much money lol
I'm very happy and I make very little money.

 

[purecain]

I live in a terrible place at the minute. after being super successful ive made terrible decisions and am now in a position where I must get lucky. working hard is standard. I just have to pray I can get in at a good place when the time comes.
I was accepted and my first exam is in January. if you cant keep up your basically removed from the course. its not going to be easy, but I dont mind. As long as it gets me back into a position where I can move out of this shit hole of a town.
my daughter is with her mother. im not able to have contact as I do not have the bribe money for my ex. She ransoms my daughter. a lot of women in the uk act this way. have a child and then make the father pay for the time spent. I brought the child up virtually on my own while she was 0-6yrs so I had a very strong attachment to my little one.
so hopefully soon i'll be able to afford the £100 pounds a day... when I had the money it seemed like nothing. but when my work stopped with my temporary move here ive been made to suffer. I have no contact at all. nothing. I havnt heard my childs voice in yrs. if I go near the house her mother will punch herself in the face and have me locked up. shes too evil for me. so I have to keep away. the only way is if I can afford the bribe... what a life... my child must think I just stopped loving her.... all of these thoughts and memories just drive me forwards.

 

[Space Lynx]

I live in a terrible place at the minute. after being super successful ive made terrible decisions and am now in a position where I must get lucky. working hard is standard. I just have to pray I can get in at a good place when the time comes.
I was accepted and my first exam is in January. if you cant keep up your basically removed from the course. its not going to be easy, but I dont mind. As long as it gets me back into a position where I can move out of this shit hole of a town.
my daughter is with her mother. im not able to have contact as I do not have the bribe money for my ex. She ransoms my daughter. a lot of women in the uk act this way. have a child and then make the father pay for the time spent. I brought the child up virtually on my own while she was 0-6yrs so I had a very strong attachment to my little one.
so hopefully soon i'll be able to afford the £100 pounds a day... when I had the money it seemed like nothing. but when my work stopped with my temporary move here ive been made to suffer. I have no contact at all. nothing. I havnt heard my childs voice in yrs. if I go near the house her mother will punch herself in the face and have me locked up. shes too evil for me. so I have to keep away. the only way is if I can afford the bribe... what a life... my child must think I just stopped loving her.... all of these thoughts and memories just drive me forwards.

Don't worry mate, life happens. You will get back on top, just keep trying! She is still young enough she still loves you, I promise.

Also, the 100 pounds a day should come down in price, in America it goes based off your income, percentage of your income I mean, so if you are making less money you should be able to go to court and have it adjusted as percentage of income, but I have no idea how UK works, but 100 pound a month seems a bit high.

 

[purecain]

100 a day not a month... the women is high maintenance. she's an ex lap dancer and is part of 'that' world... I'd earn £500 a day most days so giving her £100 was something I didnt even think about. she became pregnant and trapped me. I loved the child though. my little angel. thanks for the kind words though buddy. their's time to sort things out yet.

 

[tabascosauz]

100 a day not a month... the women is high maintenance. she's an ex lap dancer and is part of 'that' world... I'd earn £500 a day most days so giving her £100 was something I didnt even think about. she became pregnant and trapped me. I loved the child though. my little angel. thanks for the kind words though buddy. their's time to sort things out yet.

No amount of that can overcome a child's curiosity and desire to think for him/herself. I trust that if your daughter doesn't know, she will figure it out in time.

Make her your motivation to help you get to the end of your studies and make a decent life for yourself. That'll be a much stronger, safer and more comfortable position from which to sort out these things you're dealing with. All things come full circle in due time.

It pains me to say this, but if she's like that, maybe you gotta take a page out of the copper's book and start wearing bodycams whenever you deal with her.

Also, my studies are also over yonder. Yeah, the distance has not made things easy for me. But fingers crossed I will be coming back for my final year in about a year's time, not even the weather can keep me down no more.

 

[robot zombie]

100 a day not a month... the women is high maintenance. she's an ex lap dancer and is part of 'that' world... I'd earn £500 a day most days so giving her £100 was something I didnt even think about. she became pregnant and trapped me. I loved the child though. my little angel. thanks for the kind words though buddy. their's time to sort things out yet.

Oooo... man I really feel that. I almost got nabbed by one like that... we were engaged and everything. She already had the one son, who I was close enough to that he called me dad and his real dad by first name. Honestly it is a wonder I never got her pregnant but I thank god every day that I didn't. Her inability to be honest about anything ultimately spared me. The whole thing was a big fat lie and she ended up cheating on me (and putting me through months of grief, venom and manipulation in the meantime - she made sure to exhaust me of every drop of compassion and generosity I had before dropping the bomb.)

Jokes on her because the guy she ditched me for knocked her up with twins. And he's broke as hell! This is the kind of guy who can't hold a basic labor job. So now the 5 of them live in one room of her moms half-dilapidated trailer without 2 pennies to rub together. Neither of those guys have money now. For a while she had things, but now she ain't got shit but some kids she doesn't love and her personally constructed prison bars. You wanna talk about down and out? Her life will now never be what she wanted it to be. And even if she was lucky enough to find a perfect out, she'd screw it up because she hasn't built the attributes a person needs to really seize such an opportunity in a healthy and meaningful way. That's how it goes when you eschew all but the moment and choose to act without constructing a functioning value system holding you up. It locks you out of a great many of the things that make life worth living. And then eventually you run out of shit to take advantage of... but by then there is a god shaped hole in your chest that needs filling and the only ways you have to fill it are unbelievably self-destructive. That's just the price you pay when you think you're going to live your life without ever needing to answer to yourself or anyone else for the things that you do.

Meanwhile I go out and carve a decent living for myself with a reasonably comfortable lifestyle and people who care about me that are worth taking responsibility for. I have some nice things for myself, though I live pretty simply. And what I am able to do for the people in my life means something to them... and so it means something to me. Maybe even more so now, after having truly lived on the other side of existential despair. I recognize the suffering in my life... and the suffering to come, but I revel in the fact that I will ALWAYS have things that people like her will DIE without ever even knowing a damned thing about. I can do no worse to her than life itself and her own actions already have. She is living completely without any means to be happy with herself or her life. She chose to deny herself of that... and now she lashes out at others for it.

When you're focused on being who you're supposed to be and attaining the maximal good, things that happen to you... the way that some people may treat you... doesn't matter. Life isn't about what happens to you, so victimhood isn't a factor anymore. All you care about are the choices you make. And those count for a lot. The only way to truly be happy and be at the highest level you can be at as a person is to be able to see yourself as an embodiment of choices and actions. That is what meaning in one's life is born from. That gives you a foundation that makes you stronger than anyone who does not recognize the fundamental truth that having a soul means making choices and living with them... and always trying to make choices that you can live with! That doesn't just mean choices your conscience can bear...some people's conscience can bear terrible actions and that doesn't make anything better for anyone. Choices that you can live with are ones that contribute to more sustainable outcomes... not just in your life, but within the core of you. It's a question of the foundation from which your choices are thrust. Your survivability and chances of succeeding in life are much higher when you can find the drive to always be someone who matters... someone who's choices matter to himself. A life worth living honestly is the most valuable thing a person can have.

Lesson is family, love, responsibility... stick to those and life will be good to you. Neglect them in favor of more shortsighted goals at your own dire, existential peril, cuz that is rocky ground just waiting to fall out from under you, man. It's serious man, so serious. I don't know if you're religious... personally I am not, but I think there's wisdom in living as though god is watching you and acting as though your soul is on the line. Because those things may as well be true! Every time you make a decision to hurt someone, it's also taking a piece out of what makes you a person... making you less of a unified entity little by little until your mind and your life devolve into chaos with everything working against itself - against you. It's the closest approximation to hell in this life. And it's where she's going. She's probably already there and doesn't know it!

It is hard... so very hard, but in the hardest ways, also the easiest. People who lie and cheat and take good from others in the world always get their due. Evil is a terrible loan provider - interest rates are off the charts. I'm not even talking about life outcomes rearing back. Evil acts take things from you as a person that are HARD to get back... sometimes impossible. The kind of person the mother of your child is will eventually become the most down and out. And without the proper tools in her personhood, she'll rot there. She simply doesn't have the mental and emotional arsenal she needs to survive the suffering that the world has in store for all of us. She's going to grow older and because of the choices she's making now, will have none of the things that really count later in life. Thing she thinks work now will not work then. It's not a sustainable way of living, if you wish to have the things that make you feel like your life meant something before you die. What she's doing is basically dismissing chances at finding meaning in her life or her actions. That particular brand of parasitic, narcissistic nihilism bites back hard - takes everything from you. Leaves you completely vacant and incapable of being happy. You live that way for long enough, you eventually become stuck and lost... just at the mercy of your life and all of the suffering that you yourself have made it contingent upon.

With the attributes you demonstrate, you'll never be as stuck and lost as she'll ultimately become. Know that you're better than all of that and always will be, so long as you want to be. You're better than her in that she will never have access to half of the happiness and fulfillment that you already have access to because of who you've molded yourself to be. Really think about it. When you're both old, who's really going to be on top in life? Who's got the better chance at being truly happy? Probably not her... ...you, on the other hand have basically already won.


So I say just do it man. Keep at it. Keep your heart in the right place and things will always be okay. Not necessarily how you want them to be, but better than you could make them otherwise. What you're doing now beats the only alternative, which is a downward spiral towards irrevocable chaos. Keep yourself in order. Keep your life in order. Just keep taking responsibility for your feelings and choices... keep reaching to be someone who can be counted on to do good for the people he cares about. It counts for more than anything else in this life. I mean it man! You're doing the right thing.

 

[kurosagi01]

All you need is your name on that paper saying you did it so you can get hired. Then you can live on stack overflow like everyone else.

Pretty much this.
Best of luck mate, getting job in python or C++ or php shouldn't be that difficult as they are popular programming language. =)

 

[purecain]

First day went amazingly well. everything seems do-able, I was so worried it was going to be too much...

Thanks for all of the reassurance, it really did help.... Thank you guys

 

[Chomiq]

Good luck man.

 

[purecain]

Thanks Chomiq , and especially robot zombie. I know exactly what you mean! About avoiding negativity and not trying to use it to fill the hole thats left through losing my little angel. Ive never loved anyone so completely and had such purpose. My ex has also had another child to some guy, all I was bothered about was being with my child. What hurts is that she would cry out for me until her mum would give in.
The last time she left she said she didnt want to go back to her mothers. After crying all the way home more so than usual, I think my daughter imagines I still dropped her off there because I didnt care. Who knows but she's just ignored me right past her 12th birthday. I tried to give her some presents but I was completely blanked. From months before right up to the day. I have to admit that really hurts!
All thats left is for me to get back on my feet now. I'm a good person and I try to be an honest straight forward guy who people can trust.
My second week has started a little rough but I'm spending 4hours today going through everything to bring me as far forwards with the coursework as I can be.
Thanks again for the kind words, much appreciated!

 

[purecain]

just owned the 3rd week, having to learn pseudocode... which to be honest feels like a ball ache lol. I started the graphical part of my course today. I'm going to make myself a new avatar... really enjoyed this week. Got some assignments to finish though... had to learn about stress among other things, which is all supplementary work. A lot of the others arnt really bothering, but if your doing the course anyway why not get the most out of it. Hope everyone else's week has gone alright...

 

[purecain]

A difficult one, I'm expected to become fluent with photoshop, or at least the basics... The big question is, do I pay for it... I'll be honest atm I dont think I can afford it. Most of my classmates are using a cracked version. what to do... I dont use any cracked software btw....

 

[moproblems99]

Look for photoshop elements. It has most of the stuff. Also, you get discounts from being in school. Or sign-up for creative cloud for a month (somewhere between $20-$35/mo)

 

[kapone32]

I live in a terrible place at the minute. after being super successful ive made terrible decisions and am now in a position where I must get lucky. working hard is standard. I just have to pray I can get in at a good place when the time comes.
I was accepted and my first exam is in January. if you cant keep up your basically removed from the course. its not going to be easy, but I dont mind. As long as it gets me back into a position where I can move out of this shit hole of a town.
my daughter is with her mother. im not able to have contact as I do not have the bribe money for my ex. She ransoms my daughter. a lot of women in the uk act this way. have a child and then make the father pay for the time spent. I brought the child up virtually on my own while she was 0-6yrs so I had a very strong attachment to my little one.
so hopefully soon i'll be able to afford the £100 pounds a day... when I had the money it seemed like nothing. but when my work stopped with my temporary move here ive been made to suffer. I have no contact at all. nothing. I havnt heard my childs voice in yrs. if I go near the house her mother will punch herself in the face and have me locked up. shes too evil for me. so I have to keep away. the only way is if I can afford the bribe... what a life... my child must think I just stopped loving her.... all of these thoughts and memories just drive me forwards.

It is not the UK alone but all of the Western world that this occurs it is really sad that when a relationship with children fails it is almost automatic that the man will be blamed. One of things you may be able to do is get a smartphone that you can give to someone you know who has contact with your daughter and keeping it a secret. At least that way you could at least defeat the notion in her head that you don't care.

 

[purecain]

Well week 6 is coming up fast and people are dropping like flies.
I understand the feeling that something is too difficult to complete, according to the I Ching the superior man stays the course.

Anyway so far it looks like this course will leave me with skills in:,

• graphic design
• website design
• computational thinking & coding,
• computer hardware in connection with computer software,
• IOT.2 and SM advertising.

Its far more work and subjects than I anticipated but I'm not complaining.
The more skills, the more useful I will become as an employee.
Thats if I dont end up starting back up and trying again with my company using the advertising skills I'm learning. I managed for so long building pc's that I literally missed a lot of the progress being made in the business world.
When I start again I will have the benefit of being a much more capable person when it comes to advertising, coding and developing products.
Even if I were to struggle at some point, the information I have absorbed will change my life forever.
I applied for the course as I thought it would be a sure fire way of opening new doors. I wasn't wrong, I'm constantly coming up with new ideas & innovations etc...

right now I have no idea what part of the computer business I will end up being part of, I only know that I suddenly feel like I have a mental pass to 'access all areas'.
Entering this course was the best decision I ever made. Thanks again for all the support...

 

[potato580+]

nice mental you got there, i hope it stand forever, the world could be much competitive, stay focus and do your best is the key to prove/offering ours skill industry, goodluck

 

[phill]

I live in a terrible place at the minute. after being super successful ive made terrible decisions and am now in a position where I must get lucky. working hard is standard. I just have to pray I can get in at a good place when the time comes.
I was accepted and my first exam is in January. if you cant keep up your basically removed from the course. its not going to be easy, but I dont mind. As long as it gets me back into a position where I can move out of this shit hole of a town.
my daughter is with her mother. im not able to have contact as I do not have the bribe money for my ex. She ransoms my daughter. a lot of women in the uk act this way. have a child and then make the father pay for the time spent. I brought the child up virtually on my own while she was 0-6yrs so I had a very strong attachment to my little one.
so hopefully soon i'll be able to afford the £100 pounds a day... when I had the money it seemed like nothing. but when my work stopped with my temporary move here ive been made to suffer. I have no contact at all. nothing. I havnt heard my childs voice in yrs. if I go near the house her mother will punch herself in the face and have me locked up. shes too evil for me. so I have to keep away. the only way is if I can afford the bribe... what a life... my child must think I just stopped loving her.... all of these thoughts and memories just drive me forwards.

Whilst reading through the thread I saw this and it hit home for me since I'm in a similar but not the same situation... How is your daughter now?

But long story short, my little girl was took by her Mum when she was 2.5 years old, she left with her son in the middle of the night or very early in the morning after an argument that had nothing to do with our daughter but her youngest son, it was simply down to the fact she never wanted to sort out the problem so she just ignored it and years later it's still there funnily enough...

Still, over the time I've been to court and such like trying to get things put in place to make sure I have contact with the courts doing very little to help me out see my daughter, they seem to have this mind set that the child needs to stay with the mum, quite frankly it's just rubbish and I believe they do it for an easy life. Not all children do want to life with their Mum's and want to live with their Dad, it's just the way it is. What I was told when I was first there, unless the child is beaten, abused (in all ways so they say) or with drugs/drunks etc but with hearing things whilst at court and obviously reading stories on line (take with a pinch of salt sometimes I guess) that doesn't seem to matter.

After my first court hearing for my daughter, we went out afterwards and we had a bite to eat.. It had been a long day and she was just 3 years old... We went to the local Brewers Faye type place and sat smiled, laughed and hugged as much as possible (I had about 2 hours with her)
When it was a bit later on and near time for her to go back to her mum (I had a 3 hour + drive to get back to my home) she said, "I want to go home".
I said to her, "Mummy's home?" and she instantly replied, "No, I want to go home"
So I said again, "To Mummy's home?" and then she said, "No to Daddy's home" and when I said to her I couldn't she instantly just grabbed on to me as tight as possible and didn't want to let me go.
I remember getting back to the ex's house at that point and having to leave her there, when I found my ex wasn't home I stayed as long as I could but my daughter ran off inside crying her eyes out. I went back to the car, found her cuddling panda she had and took it too her.
Just as I was about to leave my ex showed up, said to her about things with our daughter, never said a word and just went off when I said that was it..

Over the years that have passed now (nearly 5 total) I've got something in place to see my daughter but never enough for what we'd both like. She's always only giving me the bare minimum as has to have things her own way. Like with yourself when money changes (as she's gone through the CSA.... ) she makes things even more awkward and with my now youngest being born since then, things have become even more difficult than normal... It's a joy honestly.... *sarcasm*
I've changed work and jobs in those near 5 years and lost a lot of money but I'm able to see my daughter more, it's just my ex stopping that. My daughter knows and says to me every time we see each other, I don't want to go back, I want to stay with you.
It's a crap place to be to say to your 7 year old, we need to say to Mum because as I'm sure you know that when they are away from you things can be twisted or made out differently. When she does this, my ex is in the back ground shaking her head and basically saying no to anything extra. Still if the shoe was on the other foot..... What's even worse to hear back from her is that "I'm not allowed to talk to her about it"...

Deep down there will always be something there as you said, that connection is always there and won't ever be broken
Hang in there and keep hold of those memories. When you get sorted out and such, maybe try contacting her or if not, go through the courts try your luck. I used to write a diary for my daughter every day, I still do sometimes just not as much. Everything I have is all stored for her and she'll read it and such whenever she's ready or wants to This seems to become the norm and it sucks and I hate hearing that two people can't get on for the best of their child..

Apologies this isn't as short as I was hoping for, but the short and curlies of it all is that, no matter how bad things get between your ex and you, the child will ALWAYS know what she wants, even when you can't/she isn't seeing you. Also sorry for not seeing the thread sooner, it might be a little out of date now but I saw it and I wanted to post to say hang in there.

Super excited to hear about your new line of work and how things are progressing so, please keep us up to date with the progress I look forward to hearing about you speaking and seeing your daughter again soon

 

[purecain]

well, I'm overwhelmed by the kindness and again thankyou for the advice. some of us have known of each other for a long time who use these forums. I feel like TPU has always been a part of my extended family.

I ponder driving down the motorway each evening. I miss my child so much, I have to intentionally take my mind off of it for fear of losing control or reason...

I'll always feel heart ache, but this experience of losing a child and her not speaking to me for all these years for no reason may I add, has blackened my heart. I'm emotionally dead. I dont have any interest in relationships. I just think , manoeuvre yourself into an affluent position and then reestablish contact.
whether that will happen again for me I dont know, but I'm going to try.
I feel sorry that any of us have been put through this by our ex's.

I dont lie and have always tried to be an honourable person if I can help it. Each one of us has been taken advantage of, by women that do lie. They manipulate anything they feel like, with no thought for the consequences.
all I can hope for, is that each one of us makes a success of our lives and we are able to offer a door into a better world for our children in the near future.
As much as I hate whats happened to my own family, it affords me insight into all of our situations.
As men we have to be resilient to the end.

 

[phill]

It's amazing that some people do find connections online even through just posts on a forum or web chats etc. but like yourself I've met some amazing friends and that it a very special and important thing in life. Having a friend who sticks around, thick and thin, keep hold of them

I've had another special meeting Friday night when I have to drive over 200 miles to go and pick up my daughter from my ex who thinks that because she works an hour away, I should take that into consideration when I have to meet her.. I might be able to understand this IF she drove all the way herself, but she never does, not since she met her new partner about 4 years ago or more, pretty much after we split I think.. I say good luck to him, there's always a reason why it didn't work out and there's a bloody big one for her and I!! lol

Life can be shockingly ^£!^! for the best part, there might only be a few places or times that our lives will truly shine. I believe on that one day for me, it will be when my eldest daughter comes to live with me.. Nearly 5 years has passed since she was took and I've lost so much time with out seeing her, being with her and all the rest of it. I feel like I have to believe at some point karma will catch up and BOOM, things will sort themselves out, much like yourself sir

I did say I'd never have another child because of this experience, (various reasons really) but that changed February this year and I'd never change it for the world. If this relationship goes to %$!¬ like the last, I think I might just cut something off because I don't think I could ever take loosing out on seeing my children growing up.
I miss my eldest every minute, of every day etc. etc. when she's not around me. When I hear things she says I feel like crying with what she says about some things.. It's heart breaking and a killer but she's worth it so I'm staying put no matter what is thrown at me..

Hopefully my ex will understand and see this ad then we can all move on.... Hopefully