[FF][US] XFX rma'd 8600 gts Funniest rhyme

[GREASEMONKEY]

Just recieved this card from xfx's rma dept.Replaced a bad 7900gs(which was a faster card).:shadedshu.It was ran for about 2 hours to check it out,but just does'nt cut it for me.
So here is my free gift(shipped con us)to the person with the funniest rhyme posted on this thread by 12:00 noon, wednesday the 6th of august.

Make me laugh & reach deep,i'm kinda twisted

 

[Mussels]

for the sake of a free card, i shall ditch decency and delve into my jokes collection.

i'll bleep out some letters in swear words, but you'll get the idea.

If you want a little brother,
kick your dad and f**k your mother.

if the sea was vodka and i was a duck
id sink to the bottom and drink my way up
but the sea isnt vodka and im not a duck
so reply to this message if you fancie a ****

Mary had a little lamb -
she also had a duck.
I bet you thought this rhyme was rude!
It’s not - you’re out of luck.


I love you in blue. I love you in red
but most of all. I love you in bed.


Rock-a-bye baby on the tree top,
when the wind blows, the cradle will rock.
I was that baby, and what bothers me
is why Mum and Dad stuck me up a tree!

Mary had a little lamb -
the doctor was surprised.
When Old Macdonald had a farm,
the doctor nearly died!

Hickory dickory dock,
the reindeer ran up the clock.
The clock collapsed.

Goosey Goosey Gander,
where shall I wander?
Upstairs, downstairs,
in the torture chamber.
Once I met a naughty lad
who tried to raid the fridge.
I gave him concrete overshoes
and threw him off a bridge.




being out of country, i'd pay shipping.

 

[Forgotten_Realms]

Heres one or two...LOL

1. Will someone put the cat out?
Please don’t make me shout
To put the cat out is my one desire
So put it out because it’s on fire.

2. His house caught fire he called for aid
Please someone call the fire brigade
As the poor man stood on his wooden legs
The brigade arrive "save my home" he begs
To save the burning house they sought
As against the fire they bravely fought
To urge them on was his desire
But he got to close and his legs caught fire
They saved the house and looked around
To see the man burned to the ground.

3. In Norwich at my local pub I sat
After a pint and a couple of gins
And contemplated relationships
With my mucker's for their sins
“I’m divorcing my sweetheart
And soul mate” I tell my friends
“There will be no animosity” I add
“And we will always stay cousins”

4. Long ago in the Old Wild West
With empty pockets In his vest
Into the frontier Town of Conroy
Rode a ragged Looking cowboy
He tied up by The towns hotel
And found a man A tale to tell
He said that he Had bad luck
And all he needed Was a buck
The man took him To the saloon
Saying if you drink From the spittoon
Ill give you fifty Take time to think
Fifty dollars If you take a drink
The cowboy nodded And then said yes
He was willing Well more or less
He held the spittoon Up to his lip
He took a breath And then a sip
He drank his fill Till all was gone
The man paid up And said well done
You really earned This money well
But I must say this If truth to tell
I would have paid you Just to try
You did not need To drink it dry
Why didn’t you stop? Are you a chump?
I couldn’t stop
It was in one lump.

 

[Mussels]

the cat ones good lol

 

[Forgotten_Realms]

LOL.....I thought so.

 

[dannylill1981]

little miss muffet
sat on a tuffet,
eating a juicy, fat melon.
Along came a spider
and sat down beside her -
she killed it with spider repellent.


Rock-a-bye baby on the tree top,
when the wind blows, the cradle will rock.
I was that baby, and what bothers me
is why Mam and Dad stuck me up a tree!



'There was a professor in olden days, who thought about women in many strange ways,
he went to bed and had a dream, and in it invented a wanking machine.

'Now this machine had a a prick of steel and it went in and out by a bloody great wheel
And to cap it all from this old man's dream his latest invention was driven by steam.
He went to his workshop and made it up and off he went home, t'was his time to sup.

'While he was at supper, a naughty young maid, she found his machine, said I'm not afraid.
I know what this is, and while he's at his supper, she started the engine and and stuck it right up her.
She shouted out loud and hollered and cried, at last I'm really satisfied!

'But then there came the tricky bit, there was no way of stopping it.
Round and round went the bloody great wheel, in and out went the prick of steel,
A very sad ending to this little bit, it ripped her open from a**e hole to tit.

pretty lame i know but had to try lol

 

[RaZrShRp]

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack jump over the candlestick.
Jack now show us another trick
Do it again Jack with a lighted wick.

Jack you're jumpy since you were born,
And as Jumping Jack you are known,
But Jack this little cliche never scorn...
"Never play leapfrog with a unicorn!"

 

[mrw1986]

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana
Jack got high unzipped his fly and said Jill do you wanna?
Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and then they had some fun
But stupid Jill didn't take a pill and now they have a son

 

[alexp999]

Dont have any funny rhymes, but does anyone know why this post is bold on the front page??

You could have tough time deciding greasemonkey!

mrw1986 is good!

 

[Forgotten_Realms]

Jack and jills are ok but they are old...LOL

 

[Atomic Rooster]

There once was a man from Boston
Who drove a little Austin
There was room for his ass
And a gallon of gas
But his balls hung out and he lost them

 

[Ketxxx]

I'm not in the US.. but still for the sake of telling something warped..

A plane crashed on a desert island and there were 3 survivors. A blonde girl, a redhead, and a black haired girl.

The black haired girl being the smart one worked out the neaest land was 10 miles away and decided to tell the other two, when she did the redhaired girl, being the strong one, volunteered to swim it.

So the next day the redhead set off, she got 2 miles out, 4 miles out.. then she drowned and died. A few days pass and the black haired girl figures to herself the redhead must of made it so she decides to swim it too.. she gets 2 miles out, 4 miles out.. 6 miles out.. she drowns and dies.

A week or so passes and the blonde girl figures the black haired girl must of made it too so she decides to swim for it. She gets 2 miles out, 4 miles out, 6 miles out.. 9 miles out! she can see land!! then she thinks to herself "I'm tired I can't swim any further" so turns around and swims back

 

[DonInKansas]

Greasemonkey sat down at his comp one day,
Got an itch to pwn some n00bs so Counterstrike he did play.
Got into a game and looked out upon the mound
Saw there weren't any n00bs on the map to be found.

The screen flickered and it shook and he said what the f*ck....
His card was going to hell; man that sure did suck.
So he cursed and he whined and he slammed on his table....
Pulled that POS card out as fast as he was able.

Gave XFX a call and said "this card will blow!"
They told him "Send it to us and we'll fix you up" but little did he know....
XFX got their evil little minds to work...
And did something to him even the Klingons wouldn't do to Captain Kirk.

Greasemonkey's card got back to the folks at XFX,
And the RMA dept had to stop their party of booze and sex.
Liquored up rep laughed and said, "Wouldn't it be funny...
if we sent him a worse card that's not even worth as much money!"

His homies cheered and laughed so he reached into the bargain bin
Where they yanked out a 8600GTS and a beat up box to put it in.
Threw it down the line and dumped it in the mail
And high fived when they were done; "That'll teach that n00bish whale."

So Greasemonkey opened his package and much to his surprise
A newer gen card was his replacement; awesome to the bare eyes.
Til he popped it in his comp and was laggin' like a bitch;
Couldn't even run Counterstrike on low without a hitch.

So after more cussin' and fussin' that Monkey did decide,
he'd give up the goat and send the card for another ride.
Someone on TPU he decided he'd give a freebie;
A gift from him to you; hopefully only for an HTPC.

 

[newtekie1]

Just recieved this card from xfx's rma dept.Replaced a bad 7900gs(which was a faster card).:shadedshu.

I don't think the 7900GS was a faster card thant he 8600GTS, if anything they are about equal, but I still think I would take the 8600GTS over a 7900GS.

 

[Mussels]

epic rhyme

^ that sounds like a winner.

 

[Urbklr]

I can't rhyme, but Don's was epic

 

[wolf2009]

Sex is like pizza. When its good, its VERY GOOD. When its bad, its Still pretty good

Sex is a sensation.
It's about a man's temptation,
putting his location in a woman's destination.
Do you understand the explanation
or do you need a demonstration?

When boys say i luv u, U beleve its true,
9 months later he says to hell with you,
The baby is a bastard, the mother a whore,
None of this would have happened if the rubber hadnt tore!

It's a hard life being a penis, you have a head with no brain, one eye that's blind, 2 neighbours that are nuts, the others an arsehole & your best mates a c*nt

Tell me.is it going in?..yeah ..is it hurting?..ooh yeah ..ouch its hurtin ..ok i wil put it in slowly ..stil hurtin..ahh yeh ..den lets try d other shoe madam

A good friend is like a good bra... hard 2 find, comfortable, supportive, prevents you from falling, holds you tight, and is always close 2 ur heart!

Sex is like MathS, Add the Bed, Subtract the Clothes, Divide the Legs and Multiply!

 

[freakshow]

here you go....


Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"



*Edit*
just read the topic lol it has to rhyme

here you go lmao

Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
between two chunks of bread.

 

[[I.R.A]_FBi]

buttsecks
gutsecks

 

[[I.R.A]_FBi]

If I climb to the top of the tallest tree
Can I reach the farthest star?
Still smell the salt of the deepest sea?
For now I sit below, underneath a thick branch
Where an old man hangs with his feet swaying, he exits in dance
I grab onto his ankles, my grip is tight
I'm not worried, he won't put up a fight
I close my eyes, hoping to be taken away
Instead his legs fall off, fucking decay

Walking deeper into the forest, guided by the sobering night air
I stumble upon an awkward young girl, with braids in her hair
A knife to her wrist, gleaming with the moon
I look into her eyes, they'll be dead soon
Deep cut in the wrist, her blood spills gracefully
I hold her cold hand, knowing I would want someone to stay for me
I sincerely ask her if I can come for the ride, "But you never packed your bags." is what she replied
Her body falls backwards, as I walk away
My ticket is expired, hers is one way

I hear the rumble of engines, as the sun settles in
I find myself on a road, where the forest comes to an end
As my tired eyes open the slightest crack
A gust of wind pushes on my back
With the scream of a horn, I fall to the ground
The grooves in the tire is where my face can be found
My corpse and the road have become one
The morning joggers jog, when they see me they run
But one of them stops and sits nearby
Sitting on a rock, huddled over my flesh pie
He sits there and stares, trying not to cry
Finally asks me the question "Why couldn't you bring me?"
Why oh why

 

[Ketxxx]

Greasemonkey sat down at his comp one day,
Got an itch to pwn some n00bs so Counterstrike he did play.
Got into a game and looked out upon the mound
Saw there weren't any n00bs on the map to be found.

The screen flickered and it shook and he said what the f*ck....
His card was going to hell; man that sure did suck.
So he cursed and he whined and he slammed on his table....
Pulled that POS card out as fast as he was able.

Gave XFX a call and said "this card will blow!"
They told him "Send it to us and we'll fix you up" but little did he know....
XFX got their evil little minds to work...
And did something to him even the Klingons wouldn't do to Captain Kirk.

Greasemonkey's card got back to the folks at XFX,
And the RMA dept had to stop their party of booze and sex.
Liquored up rep laughed and said, "Wouldn't it be funny...
if we sent him a worse card that's not even worth as much money!"

His homies cheered and laughed so the reached into the bargain bin
Where they yanked out a 8600GTS and a beat up box to put it in.
Threw it down the line and dumped it in the mail
And high fived when they were done; "That'll teach that n00bish whale."

So Greasemonkey opened his package and much to his surprise
A newer gen card was his replacement; awesome to the bare eyes.
Til he popped it in his comp and was laggin' like a bitch;
Couldn't even run Counterstrike on low without a hitch.

So after more cussin' and fussin' that Monkey did decide,
he'd give up the goat and send the card for another ride.
Someone on TPU he decided he'd give a freebie;
A gift from him to you; hopefully only for an HTPC.

Could of been a little better in a few places, but overall I think we have a winner right here!

 

[alexp999]

Could of been a little better in a few places, but overall I think we have a winner right here!

I have to agree, that is pretty impressive!

 

[freakshow]

here is another


Little boy blew.
Hey. He needed the money.

 

[Forgotten_Realms]

Ok this is twisted...LOL

I f*ck her low,
I f*ck her high,
I f*ck her wet,
I f*ck her dry,
And when she's dead,
And all forgotten,
I'll dig her up and f*ck her rotten!

 

[Mussels]

Ok this is twisted...LOL

I f*ck her low,
I f*ck her high,
I f*ck her wet,
I f*ck her dry,
And when she's dead,
And all forgotten,
I'll dig her up and f*ck her rotten!

twisted indeed.