[FF][US] XFX rma'd 8600 gts Funniest rhyme

[GREASEMONKEY]

I thanked my top picks so far.
And someone needs a hug

 

[[I.R.A]_FBi]

({)?

 

[Atomic Rooster]

There once was a man from Providence Mass
Who had two testicles made out of brass
He clapped them together to play "Stormy Weather"
And lightning shot out of his ass

 

[Fiream]

There once was a man named Rick
Who was cursed at birth with a Corkscrew dick
Searched the world in a life-long hunt
To find a girl with a Corkscrew cunt
He found that girl and rammed in the head
Turned all purple and fell over dead
Son of a bitch she had a left hand thread

 

[OzzmanFloyd120]

Little Boy Blue... He needed the money.

 

[CrAsHnBuRnXp]

Hickory Dickory Dock
The girl sucked my cock
The clock struck two
She swallowed the goo
Hickory dickory dock.

Jack and Jill went up the hill both with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with $2.50.

Their was an old lady who lived in a shoe
She had so many kids, her uterus fell out

There once was an old man named aimes
He delighted in horrible games
So he lite a match to his grandmothers snatch and watched her piss through the flames.

People who write on shit house walls roll their shit in little balls
People who read these words of wit
Eat those little balls of shit

There once was a man from nantucket
He had a dick so long he could suck it
So as he said with a grin as he wiped off his chin
If my ear were bigger i would fuck it.

If you want to crap at ease,
put both elbows on your knees.
Give a grunt and give a squeeze
and out it comes like rotten cheese.

Here I sit, same as ever,
Took a shit and pulled the lever.
The toilet clogged, the water flowed,
Look out world its the motherload!

Here i sit amidst the vapor
Some damn fool used all the paper
Theres the bell i must not linger
Lookout asshole here comes the finger!

 

[OzzmanFloyd120]

Andrew Dice Clay.
"You wanted front row honey? you got fucking front row!"

 

[FreedomEclipse]

Hi im chuck Norris.

Can i Has 8600 please?

 

[OzzmanFloyd120]

Hi im chuck Norris.

Can i Has 8600 please?

Chuck Norris is an over rated fool and I hate the damn hype he's been getting for no reason lately. Especially when true badasses like Chris Hansen are around.
Chris Hansen wakes up and eats a hearty bowl of nails and washes it down with pure diesel gasoline. I also hear the wrestles polar bears for excersize.(sp?)

 

[JC316]

One of my personal favorites from a while back.

Osama Bin Laden, you son of a bitch
May your balls develop the seven year itch
and may your pecker be twisted in such a manner, that your asshole whistles the Star Spangled Banner.

 

[FreedomEclipse]

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=akym0TmCkqM

 

[theJesus]

WARNING: If you're easily offended, skip this post and ignore it's existence

You said twisted, so here's some twisted song lyrics First one is Gwar, the rest are Anal C*nt (they write songs specifically to piss people off). I apologize for the length of this post.

"Oh I am F**kin' an animal
I'm f**kin' an animal
I'm holding on the horns
I'm f**kin' an animal
I'm involved with porn
I'm f**kin' an animal
Sure is nice and warm in here
I'm f**kin' an animal drinking fifty beers
I'm f**kin' an animal blowing fifty steers
I'm f**kin' an animal
Oh, I'm a f**king queer
I'm f**kin' an animal
Didn't have to take her on a date
Just had to stand here on a crate
No talking, no torment, no long-term commitment
Just me and animal,
Getting my dick bent I'm f**kin' an animal
Didn't have to say please I'm f**kin' an animal
With Legionnaires disease I'm f**kin' an animal
Damn hard on the knees... I'm f**kin' an animal
Animal fucker, on the loose I'm f**kin' an animal
I'll go from dog to goose I'm f**kin' an animal
Once I fucked a moose I'm f**kin' an animal
But now the animal is in pain!
It's in pain, it's in pain, it's in pain (terrible pain).
And now it's starting to rain....
But I'm still the same. I'm f**kin' an animal
Not proud of what I do... I'm f**kin' an animal
Had a great time at the zoo I'm f**kin' an animal
Cause you won't let me fuck you...
Animal!"

"you just wanted to hold hands but he wanted to f**k
he's twice your size and weight so you're sh!t out of luck

[chorus:]
you got date raped, date raped [x4]

you whined to the judge, your eyes were full of tears
but you wouldn't have been raped if you didn't have 50 beers

[chorus]

next time you go out bring a chapperone or friend
or you'll probably end up getting date raped again
you got date raped"

"your real mother was a hooker,your real father couldn't get laid
your mother left you in a dumpster,you were adopted by two gays

[chorus:]
you look adopted [x4]

you hate father and son picnics, you hate the p.t.a.
you won't bring friends to your house,you've got two fathers and thier both f**king gay"

"I spent all my money on drugs, and couldn’t afford to fly
I took a greyhound bus, you and your brat sat next to me
It wouldn’t shut up, so I lit it on fire
For 30 seconds it was louder, then it shut up

[Chorus:]
I lit your, I lit your, I lit your, baby on fire [x4]

You came back from the bathroom and smelled something burning
You realized it was your baby and I started to laugh
You asked the driver to pull over, but he laughed at you too
You yelled at me, so I roasted some marshmallows on your kid"

 

[Fitseries3]

long ago there was a man
he climbed a tree with just one hand
he soon learned he was stuck at the top of the tree
so he yelled for help but alone remained he.

he woke up alone after a long cold night
of dreaming of 2 bears having a fight.
with his eyes still closed he recalled his dream
of a one armed bear that for some reason screamed
he remembered the bear got thrown from a tree
and beat almost to death and got covered in pee
the bear was thin and had nothing to eat
just like the man, poor old pete.
what happened to the bear he tried to recall
i think he was scalped and lost his right ball
the bear was left to die in the wood
but what.... why was the bear wearing a hood?
especially the red one that pete wore that trip
he then felt his crotch that began to drip
the sun was now up and ready for pete to rise
the first thing he noticed, he was covered in flies
and he could only see blurry outta one of his eyes
he then thought to himself, how'd i get here
i was in the tree and now the ground is so near
im battered and beaten and sore in my rear
then to his surprise as he rose from the ground
the bear was back and ready for a second round!

OK... after writing that i realize it's not that funny but i cant believe i just made that up. oh well.

 

[theJesus]

WARNING: If you are easily offended, skip this post and ignore it's existence.

Some more Anal C*nt lyrics. BTW, if any mods think these two posts are out of line even with the warnings and censors, please delete them.

"[Chorus:]
Women, nature’s punching bag [x4]

You didn’t get me a beer
You were one minute late with dinner
You bought the wrong kind of beer
You wanted a career

[Pre-chorus:]


[Chorus]

You forgot to cash my unemployment check
You’re having your period
You want to visit your mother
You want to have another kid

[Pre-chorus]

[Chorus]"

"[Chorus:]
Hitler was a sensitive man [x4]

He went to art school when he was younger
He wanted to be a painter
Hitler was a vegetarian
He was also a non-smoker

[Chorus]

He hired gay and handicapped officers
He was concerned about overpopulation
If Hitler were alive today
He’d listen to The Cure, The Smiths, and Depeche Mode

[Chorus]"

"You couldn’t pick up a guy at the gay bar
Male prostitutes wouldn’t take your money
You jerked off 8 times and ran out of your own
So you broke into a sperm bank, you cum guzzling fag

[Chorus 1:]
You’re f**king gay, you’re f**king gay
I only wrote this song to piss people off who are gay
[x2]

When you broke in, Rod Stewart had already beaten you there
Luckily you were both good friends
You both sat around and drank 10 gallons of sperm
While listening to Los Crudos and watching Marilyn Manson videos

[Chorus 2:]
You’re f**king gay, you’re f**king gay
If you don’t like these lyrics, don’t buy our records you fag
[x2]"

 

[xfire]

Make love not war,
Make love not war,
Cause a condom is cheaper than a gun.

 

[Forgotten_Realms]

Heres one for all of us computer users...LOL


It's me, the man you know will make
A big computerized mistake!
I make one several times a week,
Because I'm no computer geek.

My laptop lives to make a fool
Of me, who missed computer school.
Its goblins and its evil ghosts
Sent several extra e-mail posts.

I have done worse than extra mail,
I sent some nude San Quentin quail
In pictures to my old Aunt Ruth
While trying to map downtown Duluth!

I start a cart at Buy-A-Pet -
A pop-up says I won Tibet!
I fill a form to get my prize,
But "Timed Out" pops before my eyes.

The dog I thought would be for me
Is playing Lassie on TV.
I reach to pet the dog at home -
The keyboard buys a trip to Rome.

I click some choice I didn't see,
And get "Dee Dora, Enter me."
I try to ditch this dude enslaver,
And she becomes my new screen saver!

A scanner starts out on the blink.
A printer only works with pink.
The screen will freeze; I'll tap to scroll.
It starts, but rolls out of control.

My tech support's in some casino
While the Trekkies meet in Reno.
Or so it seems when I'm on hold,
Until I'm cut off, quick and cold.

They say to treat your PC well,
But, after damning it to Hell,
Is there a time in your recall
You banged the thing against a wall,

And stomped it 'til you plainly see
The guts of all that treachery?
Then did you hurl it to the sky?
Well, that's amazing! So did I!

 

[Forgotten_Realms]

Here this is funny but it doesnt rhyme....

Why did the Mexican girl get pregnant?

Because the teacher told her to go do an "essay"


Here you go kinda...well read it.

THERE ONCE WAS A LADY NAMED DOT, WHO LIVED OFF PIG SHIT AND SNOT. WHEN SHE COULDN'T GET THESE SHE ATE THE GREEN CHEESE THAT SHE SCRAPED OFF THE SIDES OF HER TWAT!

 

[Deleted member 24505]

Heres some of my faves.

The sea captain's tender young bride
fell into the bay at low tide,
You could tell by her squeals,
that some of the eels
had discovered a good place to hide.

There was a young man named Sweeney
Who spilled some gin on his weenie.
He thought this uncouth,
So he added vermouth,
And slipped his girl a martini.

A mortician who practiced in Fife
Made love to the corpse of his wife.
'How could I know, Judge?
She was cold, dinna budge—
Just the same as she acted in life.

This ones a cracker

There was a old man from Calcutta
Who was found lying dead in a gutter
The heat from the sun
Burned a hole in his bum
And melted his bollocks like butter.

 

[jinho11104]

i like pie..

and chuck nooo... bruce lee

 

[MKmods]

I have never been good with rhymes, I do remember this story though...

One day there was a dad with his son walking through the park. The Son was very curious and asked about everything.
Dad whats that?
Its a duck..
Dad whats that?
thats a squirrel..
Than while walking there were 2 dogs, 1 had mounted the other. Dad whats going on? asked the boy.
Embarrassed the only thing that came to mind was those 2 dogs are making a puppy.

Finally they went home and that night he put his son to bed.. The dad and mom were getting a bit busy in bed and just then the door opened and the boy asked his Dad what he was doing. All he could think to respond was me and mommy are making you a little sister, to which the boy responded
Dad turn mommy around, I want a puppy.

 

[jinho11104]

timmy asked mother how did i come about
mom said an angel sent you above the clouds
timmy asked daddy how did i come about
d
a
d

s
a
i
d

i
m

c
h
u
c
k

n
o
r
r
i
s!!!

I SEE YOUR FACE WHENEVER IM DREAMING
THAT IS WHY I WAKE UP SCREAMING

 

[GREASEMONKEY]

Just a bump before tomorrow.In case there is any last minute jokers.

 

[Urbklr]

Meh, got no rhymes, but the first little bit of "Take this Life" by In Flames.

It's not so much the pain
It's more the actual knife
Pretending the picture is perfect,
I cut myself to sleep
I close my eyes for a second
And meet a fragile soul
I scream to hide that I'm lonely,
The echo calls my name

If I ever... if I never...
Make me understand the thought whatever
Make me see... make me be...
Make me understand you're there for me

Take this life
I'm right here
Stay a while and breathe me in

I think it's pretty nifty

 

[L|NK|N]

Listen to me XFX
Playin games with your 8600
is worse than bad sex
With yo momma
I speak da truth
Id rather game with Obama
and his wife Ruth
on the Coleco Pentium Matrox trilogy
PCI Express Ultra 5.0 now thats ILLiany
Thanks for wasting my time
and my precious money
Now please take this card
while i NOM NOM NOM on your honies

 

[DonInKansas]

That's good stuff right there. Almost as good as mine.