No, that is essentially consumer motherboards having limited support. What they are telling you when one kit works and another(say 32/64Gb) doesn't is that it is a question of motherboard compatibility at this point eventhough it might be a verified kit for your cpu system. Usually the trick is to increase dram voltage a notch which doesn't hurt anybody. It is unofficial that point, but who cares? Still, when purchasing it is best to pick the right ram to match your cpu, so timings won't trouble you.
Apart from tRFC, I think automatic dram timing can be left to the motherboard's utility that it ships with, they can sort tertiaries quite natively from what I've heard.