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[FF][US] XFX rma'd 8600 gts Funniest rhyme

Discussion in 'Buy/Sell/Trade/Giveaway Forum' started by GREASEMONKEY, Aug 1, 2008.

  1. GREASEMONKEY

    GREASEMONKEY

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    I thanked my top picks so far:laugh:.
    And someone needs a hug:wtf:
     
    10 Year Member at TPU
  2. [I.R.A]_FBi

    [I.R.A]_FBi

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    ({)?
     
  3. Atomic Rooster

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    There once was a man from Providence Mass
    Who had two testicles made out of brass
    He clapped them together to play "Stormy Weather"
    And lightning shot out of his ass
     
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  4. Fiream

    Fiream New Member

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    There once was a man named Rick
    Who was cursed at birth with a Corkscrew dick
    Searched the world in a life-long hunt
    To find a girl with a Corkscrew cunt
    He found that girl and rammed in the head
    Turned all purple and fell over dead
    Son of a bitch she had a left hand thread
     
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  5. OzzmanFloyd120

    OzzmanFloyd120

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    Little Boy Blue... He needed the money.
     
  6. CrAsHnBuRnXp

    CrAsHnBuRnXp

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    Hickory Dickory Dock
    The girl sucked my cock
    The clock struck two
    She swallowed the goo
    Hickory dickory dock.

    Jack and Jill went up the hill both with a buck and a quarter
    Jill came down with $2.50.

    Their was an old lady who lived in a shoe
    She had so many kids, her uterus fell out

    There once was an old man named aimes
    He delighted in horrible games
    So he lite a match to his grandmothers snatch and watched her piss through the flames.

    People who write on shit house walls roll their shit in little balls
    People who read these words of wit
    Eat those little balls of shit

    There once was a man from nantucket
    He had a dick so long he could suck it
    So as he said with a grin as he wiped off his chin
    If my ear were bigger i would fuck it.

    If you want to crap at ease,
    put both elbows on your knees.
    Give a grunt and give a squeeze
    and out it comes like rotten cheese.

    Here I sit, same as ever,
    Took a shit and pulled the lever.
    The toilet clogged, the water flowed,
    Look out world its the motherload!

    Here i sit amidst the vapor
    Some damn fool used all the paper
    Theres the bell i must not linger
    Lookout asshole here comes the finger!
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2008
  7. OzzmanFloyd120

    OzzmanFloyd120

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    Andrew Dice Clay.
    "You wanted front row honey? you got fucking front row!"
     
  8. FreedomEclipse

    FreedomEclipse ~Technological Technocrat~

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    Hi im chuck Norris.

    Can i Has 8600 please?
     
  9. OzzmanFloyd120

    OzzmanFloyd120

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    Chuck Norris is an over rated fool and I hate the damn hype he's been getting for no reason lately. Especially when true badasses like Chris Hansen are around.
    Chris Hansen wakes up and eats a hearty bowl of nails and washes it down with pure diesel gasoline. I also hear the wrestles polar bears for excersize.(sp?)
     
  10. JC316

    JC316 Knows what makes you tick

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    One of my personal favorites from a while back.

    Osama Bin Laden, you son of a bitch
    May your balls develop the seven year itch
    and may your pecker be twisted in such a manner, that your asshole whistles the Star Spangled Banner.
     
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    10 Year Member at TPU
  11. FreedomEclipse

    FreedomEclipse ~Technological Technocrat~

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  12. theJesus

    theJesus

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    WARNING: If you're easily offended, skip this post and ignore it's existence

    You said twisted, so here's some twisted song lyrics :) First one is Gwar, the rest are Anal C*nt (they write songs specifically to piss people off). I apologize for the length of this post.

    "Oh I am F**kin' an animal
    I'm f**kin' an animal
    I'm holding on the horns
    I'm f**kin' an animal
    I'm involved with porn
    I'm f**kin' an animal
    Sure is nice and warm in here
    I'm f**kin' an animal drinking fifty beers
    I'm f**kin' an animal blowing fifty steers
    I'm f**kin' an animal
    Oh, I'm a f**king queer
    I'm f**kin' an animal
    Didn't have to take her on a date
    Just had to stand here on a crate
    No talking, no torment, no long-term commitment
    Just me and animal,
    Getting my dick bent I'm f**kin' an animal
    Didn't have to say please I'm f**kin' an animal
    With Legionnaires disease I'm f**kin' an animal
    Damn hard on the knees... I'm f**kin' an animal
    Animal fucker, on the loose I'm f**kin' an animal
    I'll go from dog to goose I'm f**kin' an animal
    Once I fucked a moose I'm f**kin' an animal
    But now the animal is in pain!
    It's in pain, it's in pain, it's in pain (terrible pain).
    And now it's starting to rain....
    But I'm still the same. I'm f**kin' an animal
    Not proud of what I do... I'm f**kin' an animal
    Had a great time at the zoo I'm f**kin' an animal
    Cause you won't let me fuck you...
    Animal!"

    "you just wanted to hold hands but he wanted to f**k
    he's twice your size and weight so you're sh!t out of luck

    [chorus:]
    you got date raped, date raped [x4]

    you whined to the judge, your eyes were full of tears
    but you wouldn't have been raped if you didn't have 50 beers

    [chorus]

    next time you go out bring a chapperone or friend
    or you'll probably end up getting date raped again
    you got date raped"

    "your real mother was a hooker,your real father couldn't get laid
    your mother left you in a dumpster,you were adopted by two gays

    [chorus:]
    you look adopted [x4]

    you hate father and son picnics, you hate the p.t.a.
    you won't bring friends to your house,you've got two fathers and thier both f**king gay"

    "I spent all my money on drugs, and couldn’t afford to fly
    I took a greyhound bus, you and your brat sat next to me
    It wouldn’t shut up, so I lit it on fire
    For 30 seconds it was louder, then it shut up

    [Chorus:]
    I lit your, I lit your, I lit your, baby on fire [x4]

    You came back from the bathroom and smelled something burning
    You realized it was your baby and I started to laugh
    You asked the driver to pull over, but he laughed at you too
    You yelled at me, so I roasted some marshmallows on your kid"
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2008
  13. Fitseries3

    Fitseries3 Eleet Hardware Junkie

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    long ago there was a man
    he climbed a tree with just one hand
    he soon learned he was stuck at the top of the tree
    so he yelled for help but alone remained he.

    he woke up alone after a long cold night
    of dreaming of 2 bears having a fight.
    with his eyes still closed he recalled his dream
    of a one armed bear that for some reason screamed
    he remembered the bear got thrown from a tree
    and beat almost to death and got covered in pee
    the bear was thin and had nothing to eat
    just like the man, poor old pete.
    what happened to the bear he tried to recall
    i think he was scalped and lost his right ball
    the bear was left to die in the wood
    but what.... why was the bear wearing a hood?
    especially the red one that pete wore that trip
    he then felt his crotch that began to drip
    the sun was now up and ready for pete to rise
    the first thing he noticed, he was covered in flies
    and he could only see blurry outta one of his eyes
    he then thought to himself, how'd i get here
    i was in the tree and now the ground is so near
    im battered and beaten and sore in my rear
    then to his surprise as he rose from the ground
    the bear was back and ready for a second round!

    OK... after writing that i realize it's not that funny but i cant believe i just made that up. oh well.
     
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  14. theJesus

    theJesus

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    WARNING: If you are easily offended, skip this post and ignore it's existence.

    Some more Anal C*nt lyrics. BTW, if any mods think these two posts are out of line even with the warnings and censors, please delete them.

    "[Chorus:]
    Women, nature’s punching bag [x4]

    You didn’t get me a beer
    You were one minute late with dinner
    You bought the wrong kind of beer
    You wanted a career

    [Pre-chorus:]


    [Chorus]

    You forgot to cash my unemployment check
    You’re having your period
    You want to visit your mother
    You want to have another kid

    [Pre-chorus]

    [Chorus]"

    "[Chorus:]
    Hitler was a sensitive man [x4]

    He went to art school when he was younger
    He wanted to be a painter
    Hitler was a vegetarian
    He was also a non-smoker

    [Chorus]

    He hired gay and handicapped officers
    He was concerned about overpopulation
    If Hitler were alive today
    He’d listen to The Cure, The Smiths, and Depeche Mode

    [Chorus]"

    "You couldn’t pick up a guy at the gay bar
    Male prostitutes wouldn’t take your money
    You jerked off 8 times and ran out of your own
    So you broke into a sperm bank, you cum guzzling fag

    [Chorus 1:]
    You’re f**king gay, you’re f**king gay
    I only wrote this song to piss people off who are gay
    [x2]

    When you broke in, Rod Stewart had already beaten you there
    Luckily you were both good friends
    You both sat around and drank 10 gallons of sperm
    While listening to Los Crudos and watching Marilyn Manson videos

    [Chorus 2:]
    You’re f**king gay, you’re f**king gay
    If you don’t like these lyrics, don’t buy our records you fag
    [x2]"
     
  15. xfire

    xfire

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    Make love not war,
    Make love not war,
    Cause a condom is cheaper than a gun.
     
  16. Forgotten_Realms New Member

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    Heres one for all of us computer users...LOL


    It's me, the man you know will make
    A big computerized mistake!
    I make one several times a week,
    Because I'm no computer geek.

    My laptop lives to make a fool
    Of me, who missed computer school.
    Its goblins and its evil ghosts
    Sent several extra e-mail posts.

    I have done worse than extra mail,
    I sent some nude San Quentin quail
    In pictures to my old Aunt Ruth
    While trying to map downtown Duluth!

    I start a cart at Buy-A-Pet -
    A pop-up says I won Tibet!
    I fill a form to get my prize,
    But "Timed Out" pops before my eyes.

    The dog I thought would be for me
    Is playing Lassie on TV.
    I reach to pet the dog at home -
    The keyboard buys a trip to Rome.

    I click some choice I didn't see,
    And get "Dee Dora, Enter me."
    I try to ditch this dude enslaver,
    And she becomes my new screen saver!

    A scanner starts out on the blink.
    A printer only works with pink.
    The screen will freeze; I'll tap to scroll.
    It starts, but rolls out of control.

    My tech support's in some casino
    While the Trekkies meet in Reno.
    Or so it seems when I'm on hold,
    Until I'm cut off, quick and cold.

    They say to treat your PC well,
    But, after damning it to Hell,
    Is there a time in your recall
    You banged the thing against a wall,

    And stomped it 'til you plainly see
    The guts of all that treachery?
    Then did you hurl it to the sky?
    Well, that's amazing! So did I!
     
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  17. Forgotten_Realms New Member

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    Here this is funny but it doesnt rhyme....

    Why did the Mexican girl get pregnant?

    Because the teacher told her to go do an "essay"


    Here you go kinda...well read it.

    THERE ONCE WAS A LADY NAMED DOT, WHO LIVED OFF PIG SHIT AND SNOT. WHEN SHE COULDN'T GET THESE SHE ATE THE GREEN CHEESE THAT SHE SCRAPED OFF THE SIDES OF HER TWAT!
     
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2008
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  18. tigger

    tigger I'm the only one

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    Heres some of my faves.

    The sea captain's tender young bride
    fell into the bay at low tide,
    You could tell by her squeals,
    that some of the eels
    had discovered a good place to hide.

    There was a young man named Sweeney
    Who spilled some gin on his weenie.
    He thought this uncouth,
    So he added vermouth,
    And slipped his girl a martini.

    A mortician who practiced in Fife
    Made love to the corpse of his wife.
    'How could I know, Judge?
    She was cold, dinna budge—
    Just the same as she acted in life.

    This ones a cracker :D

    There was a old man from Calcutta
    Who was found lying dead in a gutter
    The heat from the sun
    Burned a hole in his bum
    And melted his bollocks like butter.
     
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    10 Year Member at TPU
  19. jinho11104 New Member

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    i like pie..

    and chuck nooo... bruce lee :D
     
  20. MKmods Case Mod Guru

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    I have never been good with rhymes, I do remember this story though...

    One day there was a dad with his son walking through the park. The Son was very curious and asked about everything.
    Dad whats that?
    Its a duck..
    Dad whats that?
    thats a squirrel..
    Than while walking there were 2 dogs, 1 had mounted the other. Dad whats going on? asked the boy.
    Embarrassed the only thing that came to mind was those 2 dogs are making a puppy.

    Finally they went home and that night he put his son to bed.. The dad and mom were getting a bit busy in bed and just then the door opened and the boy asked his Dad what he was doing. All he could think to respond was me and mommy are making you a little sister, to which the boy responded
    Dad turn mommy around, I want a puppy.
     
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2008
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  21. jinho11104 New Member

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    timmy asked mother how did i come about
    mom said an angel sent you above the clouds
    timmy asked daddy how did i come about
    d
    a
    d

    s
    a
    i
    d

    i
    m

    c
    h
    u
    c
    k

    n
    o
    r
    r
    i
    s!!!

    I SEE YOUR FACE WHENEVER IM DREAMING
    THAT IS WHY I WAKE UP SCREAMING
     
  22. GREASEMONKEY

    GREASEMONKEY

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    Just a bump before tomorrow.In case there is any last minute jokers.:D
     
    10 Year Member at TPU
  23. Urbklr

    Urbklr

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    Meh, got no rhymes, but the first little bit of "Take this Life" by In Flames.

    It's not so much the pain
    It's more the actual knife
    Pretending the picture is perfect,
    I cut myself to sleep
    I close my eyes for a second
    And meet a fragile soul
    I scream to hide that I'm lonely,
    The echo calls my name

    If I ever... if I never...
    Make me understand the thought whatever
    Make me see... make me be...
    Make me understand you're there for me

    Take this life
    I'm right here
    Stay a while and breathe me in

    I think it's pretty nifty:eek:
     
  24. LiNKiN

    LiNKiN Staff

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    Listen to me XFX
    Playin games with your 8600
    is worse than bad sex
    With yo momma
    I speak da truth
    Id rather game with Obama
    and his wife Ruth
    on the Coleco Pentium Matrox trilogy
    PCI Express Ultra 5.0 now thats ILLiany
    Thanks for wasting my time
    and my precious money
    Now please take this card
    while i NOM NOM NOM on your honies
     
    10 Year Member at TPU
  25. DonInKansas

    DonInKansas

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    That's good stuff right there. Almost as good as mine.:roll:
     

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